My neighbour has really got my goat!
We live next door to this bloke, lets call him Nil (as in nil points), with his wife of ten years or so and they have no kids - through choice.
Therefore, he knows absolutely nothing about:
c) Kids and noise
d) Family life
Incidentally, Nil also owns that pesky cat, Oscar - the one who has yet to have his balls chopped off, so is therefore full of testosterone and always lurking around the bins trying to scare my cat, Tinky.
(Hubby says he may kidnap Oscar and get him neutered, because he has so much 'front' he strolls into our house and sprays everywhere - vile creature! So we're always having to chase him out of the house.)
Anyway, our house was previously owned by an old couple, then it lay empty for a while until we moved in. So Nil had a noiseless house for a few years and obviously got used to it.
After we moved in, it wasn't long before Nil started complaining about the volume of the telly. I am a bit 'mutton' (partially deaf, due to too much partying and standing next to loud speakers), but I don't think the telly was that loud, so to keep the peace we turned it down and now I have to watch it with the subtitles on because I cant hear a damn thing!
He's complained a few times about it so I've got the 'hump' with him, because we never complain to him that he's reading to loud, or drilling too loud or having noisy Tiffin in afternoon - which must have been loud for me to hear it!
Sometimes I really think Nil has nothing better to do than stand next to the wall with a glass, trying to hear our telly!
I saw him outside in the garden the other day, with his wife. I never see her and have never spoken to her in the 18 months we've lived there.
I suddenly noticed she had got this huge belly!
I thought, right, I'm going to talk to you, so that means you have to talk to me.
Me: OMG! Are you pregnant?
Me: When is it due?
Her: Couple of months
Both of them: Thanks
Her: Yeah, you may hear it....
Her: You may hear it crying....
Me (bit bewildered and losing control of my tongue as babies scare me now): I hope not! I've done my time thank-you!
Very awkward silence with shuffling of feet
Me (looking at Nil): Are you ready for this?
Nil: If they're are as good as your kids it'll be no problem...
I'm afraid I could do absolutely nothing to control the look of utter amazement on my face, neither could I do anything about the uncontrollable laughter that followed......
The man's an idiot!
He obviously chooses to ignore my screams and begs of mercy for my sanity, which must echo around Brighton and chooses to concentrate on how loud my telly is instead!
He popped 'round again yesterday to inform me that he is having a party tomorrow and it could get a bit loud and go on for a while. Cheeky bugger! So he can make noise but we cant....
He also invited the kids over but not me!!!!!!!!!!!
Yup, he definitely doesn't like me either.
He's had one of these party's before. Me, the kids and last years students were peeking out of the bedroom window watching all these goatee-bearded hippy types lounging around in the garden, knocking back strange green drinks, children were running amok, flames were coming out of poles, which were placed around the garden. It looked like a kind of seventies, pagan ritualistic commune.
It wouldn't have surprised me in the least if they had sacrificed a goat..........
Maybe I should send the kids 'round to terrorise him, that might be fun to watch....
Either way, this git has got my goat......I hope it pours tomorrow and puts his flames out!