Thursday, 30 July 2009

4 Students, 3 Poofs and a Sandwich

Flippin' 'eck!!!!

Has it really been over a week since I posted something????

'SLACKER', I hear you cry! Yup. Slack, slack slack!

These past few weeks have been so busy my head is spinning.

Finally, all four students have gone back home. Phew!

I shall be glad not to cook dinner for NINE people anymore and also elated that I don't have to make anymore sandwiches for lunch!

It was like a flipping factory production line; SIX sets of lunches everyday for the last SIX weeks. I am so sick of sandwiches. If I never see another sandwich again I shall die a happy woman!

Espania, our Spanish student, left in a torrent of emotional tears, blubbing all over the place she was, and was finally whisked off to the airport in an Executive Car complete with Chauffeur and Escort.


It was a simple affair with the other three; they left quietly on Monday via 'coach' class.

This summer has hardly been a barrel of laughs with the students, (understatement of the year!), so I think it is time to bow out, perhaps.

Liam, my 23 year old, who descended upon us a couple of weeks ago, has been camping out in Olly's room. He has decided to stay at home for the foreseeable future (no doubt because he is skint and homeless), but I don't care, its lovely to have him back.


I can hardly contain my happiness......... he has split with Rhino for good!

That bird was one sandwich short of picnic, and all his mates where telling him she had a couple of screws loose! Still, its over now. Thank the heavens.

I took Liam to get his eyes checked because he cannot see the TV when sitting on the sofa! He has to sit on the floor with his face up right against the telly.

Needless to say, he is as blind as a bat. If a perfect vision is equal to 200, Liam's vision is 20. That means to say he only has 10% vision!

Could explain why he fell for Rhino, not being able to see her properly. Anyway, he gets his glasses on Friday.

We have also sorted him out a Multi-room Sky box, which is apparently taking 3 MONTHS to be delivered. 3 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's that about????

Amber and Olly have finally broken up for the hols and about time. They were ready to drop. It has been an extremely difficult time with Olly, and I mean really difficult. But I wont go there for the time being.

On a much lighter note, Brighton has its Gay Pride Parade on 1st August. Although the London Parade is much better, I always try to go to the Brighton one, to show my support and to have a good look at the dresses and costumes or lack of them! Its so much fun.

The three poofs that live across the road are having a party on Friday night to celebrate the Parade and they invited me over.

(I know its not politically correct, but I just love that word 'poof'. It reminds me of when I used to blow on a dandelion as a kid, 'Pooooff!').

One of them said, 'Oh, you'll be shocked at what you see at our party!'.

Me: Why will I be shocked?

Him: Well, you wont have been to party like ours before, all the 'dragging up' and things we get up to!

Me: I was going to ask you if you had any drag queens going, tends to spice up a party......

He looked at me quizzically.

Apparently appearances can be deceptive. Of course, I've never been to a gay/drag party before, because I am a suburban housewife married with kids and I have ALWAYS been a suburban housewife married with kids, and not led any kind of other life at all!!!

Best not mention going to G A Y at the Astoria in London, or having a girlfriend, or having a rock star as a boyfriend, or seeing copious amounts of drugs laid out tables for all to sniff or casinos, or gangsters or millionaires...........enough said. I am a suburban housewife, best not burst his bubble.

He then proceeded to inform me of his sexual antics with strangers in bushes and how, when it came to the crunch, he couldn't do it!

This, of course, was intended to shock, but I burst out laughing. I told him he wasn't as outgoing as he thought he was and maybe he preferred his home comforts instead!

So, this is another snippet in my woefully dull life of 4 students, 3 poofs and a sodding sandwich!



Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Best Of British Mummy Bloggers Carnival

Best Of The British Mummy Bloggers Carnival is now here!

There are some cracking posts for you and as with any Carnival we have something for everyone. So have a glass of cyber bubbly, sit back, relax and enjoy.

Hot Cross Mum, was certainly not hot and cross when she found her freedom with 48 hours in Neverland. Lucky thing.

If your at your wits end with what to shove in party bags, Chloe has some great tips on How to Make A Ben 10 Themed Party Bag on a Budget

Its not all a bed of roses by Deb training little gardeners who need a wee!

Lorraine from Rookiemumssurvival guide has some interesting observations in Emotional Issues, he said, she said, and demonstrates that men and women certainly think/act differently.

Nadine from Time Management Mum has a cool book alert that all busy mums will love.

Over at Metropolitan Mum she has found a new breed of yummy daddies - which is always very interesting to know. (We have to keep our eye on the ball you know!)

Erica at Littlemummy has some thoughts on After School Clubs with a very touching video

Amy Turn Sharp has never been so grossly insulted, but it made me laugh!

Jo Mallon from Parentdish has quite a controversial post on Would you keep your child's gender a secret?

Over at Four Down Mum To Go, Everyone's a Winner, we all know she is, with her four boys!

Whilst the lovely Brit is Missing Some Mummy Friends, her cyber friends are all here for her.

Daffodilly keeps us all guessing with imaginative play with whats happening in her photos. I couldn't figure it out, I must need more creative stimulation!

All Grown Up has an eye watering post about My Birth Story. Seriously, more drugs required!

Cave Mother has an interesting post on The Language of Co-Sleeping with your child.

Karin at Cafe Bebe discusses What Women Really Want. But of course, what we get is a totally different matter!

Claire at 20somethingmum takes on a
Dolls House Project. A brave and patient woman.

The wonderful Susanna at A Modern Mother has some interesting Bedtime Conversations with her four year old.

Have a laugh with Sally from Who's the Mummy with some strange and interesting facts about a 4 nippled man!

Kat from Slugs on the Refrigerator has a fab poem about When It Rains it Pours. It certainly would with that cloud hanging over ones head! That was one crappy Monday - poor love.

Not Supermum (who, I think, really is), has troubles with her teenager, an encounter with a fit fireman, (lucky thing) but unfortunately forgets she is wearing slippers. Oh dear!

Sian at Mummytips is the proudest mum in the world with her No 1 son and who wouldn't be after all she went through. He's a cracker!

Potty Mummy has a day full of challenges over at Sunny Pines, in her post
Bing Bong! I don't know how she does it - she must run on Duracell or something, I would have collapsed after breakfast!

With what Antonia fits into her day, she must be able to type at a 1000 words a minute!However, Getting Feedback For What You Do is important, and Antonia has finally got some...yay!

Clare at Clareybabbling has had a comical time with her son, a pair of Pants and Daewoo! Don't you just love boys? Couldn't live without them.

Aah, now we have a Daddy Blogger. Dan has been gallivanting around the country with his kids having a glorious time at different events with Singleparentblagger. He's been getting in free too! Gift of the gab no doubt!

Amy over at And1moremeansfour actually managed to slot in a Party time, during her busy schedule with her four girls -I think we should call her the Amazing Amy!

Half Mum Half Biscuit has a recipe for a
phychotic ex-wife and who could blame her with all that going on!

Dancing Fairy has a lovely letter to her
Dear Squigler, her baby, which is due any moment! Yee Gods! Quick! We need towels, hot water and string.......Mmm. I'm exactly sure why we need all that. Good luck DF - hope Squigler comes soon x

Tara or 'Sticky' as I call her, (I love that word 'Sticky'), from Sticky Fingers has an adorable daughter who says exactly what is on her mind, so if Sticky is Beaten Up By Angry Teens, You'll Know Why!

If you are an early riser, Helen at Ladybirdworld, can be seen to be chasing rabbits in her knickers before breakfast! (I did laugh). Run, Rabbit, Run, I hear you cry......

Grab some tissues and head over to Sandy at Baby Baby. A very moving post for her belated father,
Happy Birthday Dad.

Good Heavens! Wife of Bold is having a right time of it coping with two little ones; When It's All Poo Much. Poor Wifey is up to her elbows in it and needs some advice, quick!

Victoria from Its a Small World After All enjoys a challenge and has proved this with her post 7 great tips for taking children to art galleries . Good on you Victoria!

At New Mummy's Decisions Have Been Made, although the future looks uncertain, she is a great girl and I'm sure she'll come up trumps.

Maternal Tales is having some difficulty finding suitable Childrens Reading Material? Not Quite the right stuff for a little one, but very funny.

Cartside over at Mummydothat has a post where Kids Go Politics

Surprise Mum is kicking up her heels and having a fine time. Daddy Loves, Mummy Loves, Baby really loves Disco .

And finally, Ella is certain that you dont know what you've got until its gone with a funny tale about her fridge door falling off.

There are some wonderful posts here and I have thoroughly enjoyed reading them all, so thank-you to everyone who submitted one. It should keep you busy until our next Carnival!

The next Carnival is taking place over at Nixdminx on Tuesday 4th August. Please email her at nixdminx (at) gmail (dot) com.


Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Reality Verses Oblivion

Dear Readers

The reality of life has kept me prisoner for over a week and it has been hideous.

I am managing to sneak a post, whilst the beast is sleeping.

Actually, its not a beast. It is a 17 year old extremely bright, but extremely neurotic student who was convinced she has swine flu!

Our little Spanish girl, Espania, who has been kicking up her heels and gallivanting until all hours for the last two weeks got a temperature and fell ill. Probably due to fatigue, exhaustion and partying too much.

You know, you've been there.

However, the mother, who is a million miles away in Spain and a total neurotic, rang 12 times on Sunday, convinced her daughter had swine flu.

I tried to tell the mother, that her daughter was not lying listlessly in bed with blue fingernails, red rashes and blue lips, she was in fact eating all my food, having showers, watching telly and feeling sorry for herself.

I only had a sandwich on Sunday and fell asleep fully clothed on my bed, because I was so exhausted from all the running about, cooking, cleaning, washing, waiting on Espania hand and foot and listening to nothing but Spanish crap down the phone.

It escalated to global proportions on Monday. The mother phoned the agency and Pippa, the head of the agency, sped over in a taxi to see what all the fuss was about.

Pippa and Espania's mother ended up having a massive screaming match down the phone and Espania had hysterics.

Pippa managed to get a private Doctors appointment and whipped Espania off in a taxi.

It was a relief to see them go.

The diagnosis was a virus. In other words, a cold with a temperature!!!!!!!

I have vowed not to take in any more students. I would rather eat out of a dustbin or eat mung beans for the rest of my life.

I have to go now, as I have to run out and get paracetamol in 500mg tablets, which has to be taken every four hours, and on 20 minutes to the appropriate hour and take the temperature to see if the paracetamol is breaking the temperature!!!

I think this situation deserves a few swear words:

What the fuck???? Who takes paracetamol like that?


Cock off!!!!! All that shouting in my house over Swine Flu.


Roll on 25th July, when they all bugger off home.

PS. We have 3 other new students who are fine.

PPS. I keep reciting Kipling's 'If'. It keeps me sane.

PPPS. I have never felt such a need for oblivion. A good dose of sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll mixed with copious amounts of alcohol should do the trick. And a ciggie.


Friday, 3 July 2009

A Little Peace

Dear Readers

Apologies for not writing or commenting lately - AGAIN! I am a terrible blogger, but life is conspiring against me. It doesn't stop does it?

My computer has given up and clapped out!

I am devastated.

It has been in the workshop since Tuesday, being analysed by student computer geeks and the prognosis is not too good.

Hubby has now left for the States for a sodding WEEK, but I have managed to commandeer his laptop - which I am having severe trouble with, as it seems to have a mind of its own like everything else in this house.

My car was whining and according to Hubby so was its owner! Charming!

We took the car back to the garage where they repaired it before, and there was a bit of row between Hubby and some butch bird called Brenda. Hubby said that they had not fixed the car properly and Brenda was defending the company.

It got a bit nasty and almost came to blows!

You know, when you're just so used to sorting out everyone else's problems that you just don't have the energy to sort out your own.

I'm currently involved in a sticky battle to do with Father, where solicitors are involved and we're fighting for what is rightfully his, because some of his nearest and dearest think they can just take from a vulnerable adult and they think no-one cares about his welfare.

It beggars belief! Family too!! Absolute B'stards!!!

Do they not think that someone is looking after him and watching what goes on????

Well, they haven't reckoned on me then. Because I will fight tooth and nail my Dad.

This is war.

So with all this going on, plus Olly and Amber and Liam and the students, my resources are bit drained. But Hubby let rip into Brenda and it was just to nice to have someone fight a battle for me. Stick up for me, like my dad
used to.

I miss that.

My Hubby has now been elevated to place of 'Hero'!

In other news, the students are OK. Spanish, whose curfew was 2100 hours is now out until 1am!!

The other 3 are getting on my wick, with their dirty feet on my couch and taking over the telly. But like any other 14 year old you just have to tell them what to do. What they going to say? No?

I rang the agency and told them they had been in the house for the last 3 nights and that I am not an unpaid babysitter and it is not for me to entertain them in the evenings. Seems to have got through. They went out last night. They leave Tuesday, then we get another 3. Hopefully the next lot will be better, they are older.

When I was a teenager I was out all the time. This lot just lounge around getting under my feet. How sad is that?

Liam has just this minute rang and said he is moving back home this evening!!!!!!


I hope that this episode with that vile woman is now over. Apparently she is dropping him off tonight. Although, God knows where he is going to sleep! Couch I think.

What wouldn't I give for a little peace - but that's not my life.
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