Sunday, 30 August 2009

Postcards Home

Heathrow Airport 19/08/09

Rang Father to let him know I was going away. Someone else picked up the phone and informed me that he would be available in sixteen minutes. (Sixteen minutes?????????????).

Rang back after eighteen minutes, just to be awkward.

I was befriended in the airport by a middle-aged poof called Coolen. (Apparently he had taken a shine to my 'slapper' shoes). Coolen knew a straight Grounds Staff Dispatch man, who was also intrigued by my 8 inch heels and begged me for a peek. So I flashed him my 'slapper' shoes, and he upgraded me to First!!!!! Couldn't believe it! I flew all the way to Singapore in First Class with Coolen.

Singapore 20/08/2009

Hubby and I went out to a local eatery for a lovely slap-up meal that cost about £5. Got caught in a torrential downpour on the way back to the hotel. Unfortunately I was wearing my flip-flops which were next to useless on the tiled pavements and I skidded all the way back to the hotel. When we finally reached our room I glanced in the mirror and was appalled. My hair was plastered to my head, my make-up had run and, worst of all, my bra had soaked up all the rain so the only wet patches on my t-shirt were around the bosom area. I was mortified.

The next day we walked into Chinatown and took a look around the market. We then grabbed a cab and went to Sentosa Island. There was a wooden bridge that boasted it was 'Asia's most Southern Point'. Standing right at the tip looking out to sea, I noticed another island. It was about 200ft further south.

Jumped on a Cable Car to Mount Faber. Unfortunately we only got about a third of the way up, when another thunder storm struck. The cable car ground to halt and we were left dangling hundreds of feet in the air while lightening flashed and thunder crashed around us. Flipping scary.

About an hour later we had finally made our way back to the mainland, but there were no cabs for love nor money because it was still pouring down. We took the MRT (train). It is the cleanest train I have ever been on. There was a man with a cloth cleaning it and spraying disinfectant! A far cry from London's hot and sticky Tube.

In the evening, went to Raffles Hotel for my Singapore Sling. Expensively delicious.

The next morning we walked to Little India. Very interesting. The temple was painted different colours and the pavements are so packed full of market stalls you have to walk in the road and dodge the cars.

Flew to Sydney in the afternoon.

Sydney, Australia. 23/08/09

Just arrived at the hotel when Liam rung my mobile. He was pissed out of his head and slurred that he and his mates where having a great BBQ/party in the garden and Nil points (our neighbour) was having a hissy fit. In the background I could hear Nil shouting above the din. But Liam's mates laughter drowned him out.

Walked through Sydney's botanic gardens - truly beautiful, then on to the Opera House. Purchased a ticket to Manly Island and took the ferry across Sydney Harbour. The world and its wife were all on Manly Beach: surfing, boogie-boarding, snorkeling, diving and paddling. So we kicked off our shoes and ran into the sea. We soon ran out again, it was bloody freezing! If that had been in Brighton we would all be hovering on the shoreline, daring to dip in a toe. Not with the Australians, they don't care how cold it is. They're hard!

In the evening we had a juicy steak at a restaurant over looking Sydney Harbour on 'The Rocks'.

Sydney, Australia 24/08/09

The next morning we had another slap-up English breakfast as Hubby said he was 'all noodled out'.

Caught a flight back to Singapore.

Singapore 25/08/09

Went to Orchard Road to do a bit of shopping. Nothing but shopping malls everywhere. I lasted 10 mins. Very tired. Went back to hotel and slept.

In the evening we went back to Little India and had a curry served on a banana leaf! Fabulous.
A new delicacy sweeping Singapore at the moment is Fish Head Curry. A fish head in a curry sauce, that people pay high prices for. Uurgh!

Singapore 26/08/09

Today is my birthday. I am forty frigging one. 366 days ago I was 39.

A Singaporean cab driver told me that today is the Chinese Valentine's Day, but nobody celebrates it anymore - they all celebrate on the 14th February instead.

We spent the morning back on the beach at Sentosa Island. Hubby bought some blue flowery swimming shorts. On anyone else they would have looked ridiculous, but somehow he didnt look too bad in them.

In the afternoon we had Tiffin at Raffles. They even brought out a teeny, tiny chair for my handbag to sit on! Bizarre!

I had a fabulous birthday and felt extremely lucky.

They managed to squeeze me on the flight home, which was lucky, but unluckily I spent the next 13 hours sitting next to a man who stank of fish. Apparently, he was a Norwegian businessman who supplies fish food to Australia and Norway. I think air freshners should be mandatory for people in this kind of work.

My glamorous exotic adventure is over and I enjoyed every moment of it. I did cry on the way home, because my beautiful dream life was finishing and the reality of domestic drudgery is about to bite once more. x


Monday, 17 August 2009


Today I feel like this.

A big, in your face, cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!

Oh rapturous joy!

The kids were whisked off to my mother-in-laws by Hubby on Friday night, for TWO whole weeks.

The woman is a god-send.

Once a year she usually has one or other of them for a couple of weeks. Last year she didn't have either of them because we had a bit of a row. (It was over Hubby's deranged brother. The bloke has a few screws loose and would definitely benefit from a good long stretch at Her Majesty's Pleasure, but that's another story). Anyway, this year she has decided to take BOTH of them.

I feel overwhelmed with the sense of freedom. It is so liberating - like a breath of fresh air.

For the past two days I have been partying with Liam and his new girlfriend, Abbi, who I might add, is a little gem! She hasn't got that 'mad cow' look, like the previous one (Rhino) had.

I have been going to bed at 6.30am and 4.30am and sleeping until 2.00pm. I feel like a 'Singleton' again.

Everything is where I left I it. There are no rows, I do not have to think about how to entertain the kids, bribe them to shower, plan meals, constantly clean up, chauffeur around, skivvy, referee, in fact I don't have to think at all!

Oh, how I have missed this! I had forgotten just how pleasant life can be.

However, this new found freedom has gone to my head a bit.

I went shoe-shopping for TWO hours! (This is unheard of, especially when Olly is with me. 30 mins at the most - he cant take much more than that, especially if we're not shopping for him).

These are my normal day to day shoes, when its not pissing it down:

A functional, yet practical pair of flip-flops. Slip them on, kick them off. Easy.

This is what I bought:

Look at the frigging heel on that!!! I have gone totally nuts???

I cant even walk three feet in them, let alone walk down the street.

Do they look like 'Slapper' shoes?

Apparently, this is what I waste my money on when I am giddy with 'freedom'. Eight inch heeled, platformed hooker shoes!

And talking of freedom, I'm not wasting a second of it. I've decided to go with Hubby to Singapore, then on to Sydney and then back to Singapore - all in a week. Only trouble is, I'm not sure I can get back to London, its jammed coming home, so I maybe stuck out there for a bit.

I'm not sure if I'll have access to a computer, so if I don't post or comment on your blogs - its not because I don't love you, its because I'm temporarily incapacitated or possibly intoxicated with Singapore Slings!

Still, I'm sure my new 'Slapper' shoes will keep me company. Hopefully they will be on their best behaviour and not show me up by pulling someone for a handful of dollars!

Venetian Blind Update

The bloody blinds finally reached The Netherlands. My mother is staying with my sister for a few days so they flew out with her as well as two large tins of water-based paint! I'm surprised they let her on with that lot. Apparently it was all considered as her 'Hold' luggage, so the poor woman had to stuff a week's worth of clothes in a bag considered 'Hand' luggage.

Exam Update

I get my results via email between the hours of Monday 6.30pm and Tuesday 1.00am. I will either be a student again on Tuesday, or I will be qualified.

Life is weird isn't it?

In one little day your working life can change.................'Student' equals conformity and 'Qualified' equals freedom.


Exam update: I passed.


Wednesday, 12 August 2009


I spent a whole Sunday with my deranged parents...sorry, that should read...estranged parents and two of my meddlesome off-spring and I haven't been feeling quite the 'full ticket' since.

I drove a two hundred mile round trip to visit my father, accompanied by my mother, who kept up a constant stream of nonsensical chatter, two kids that argued and fought the whole bloody journey and crammed into the boot/backseat was my sister's 6ft venetian blinds.

(I cant even be bothered to go into the 'blind' story, but needless to say they will probably be the most well-travelled blinds in the world once they reach their destination, which is The Netherlands, because Jaye didn't pay for shipping!).

I chatted with my mother about blogging and writing and how much fun it is to meet other people. She gave me a withered look and said, 'What do you want to do all that writing for?'

Me: Because I enjoy it.

Mother: It must take up all your time.

Me: Not really, but I do like it. It's like a hobby.

Mother: You're not being 'groomed' are you?

Me (exasperated): What would I be 'groomed' for?

Mother: Someone might whisk you away and you'll never be seen again.

Me (spluttering with disbelief): Who is going to 'groom' a 40 year old woman with 3 kids and want to lure her away?

Honestly! Sometimes this woman's mind beggars belief!

After two hours of listening to this kind of crap, it was a relief when we finally arrived at Father's.

I have not seen him for 3 months because of my study, exam, the students staying with us and generally life getting in the way and it did sadden me to see a deterioration in his physical appearance and his mental health.

However, despite this and the fact that my parents have now been divorced for about ten years or so, it didn't stop them falling back into their old patterns.

My father seems to have become besotted with Cliff Richard of recent, and put on a DVD which he turned up full volume and started to click his fingers and dance to.

I was aghast! Cliff sodding Richard, belting out for all and sundry to hear.

Mother turned the volume down by the remote and then Father turned it up again manually. Every time Father turned it up, Mother turned in down. This went on for a good 20 mins, with Father exclaiming, 'What is wrong with this telly? Its not as loud as it used to be'. He'd forgotten there was a remote for it.
My mother has always been a bit sneaky.

My parents behaviour had captured Olly and Amber's attention, who had now finally stopped bickering, and were watching my parents with amusement. I just rolled my eyes.

We then had to bugger about taking the 6ft venetian blinds out of the car, to fit the back seat back in the car, in order to get everyone loaded up and go to the park. It was a right pain and I lost my temper when my fingers got trapped and ranted about how my sister was too tight to pay for shipping costs.

After much ado, we finally got to the park and it was lovely. Games of cricket, a lake where people were playing with their little motorised boats and a pretty cafe. It took an absolute age to get to the cafe, with father shuffling along at a snails pace and Olly, who kept running off to chase the cricket ball.

I bought lunch and we settled on the grass sunning ourselves. Unfortunately some insect was also hungry and took a flipping bite out of me. My arm has now swollen up to the size of a balloon.

We managed to bundle everyone back in the car, dropped father off at his home and more messing about with those blasted blinds ensued.

We finally said our goodbyes.

Me: You wont forget we came and took you out will you Dad?

Dad: When?

Me: Just now.

Dad: Why? Where did we go?

Me: To the park! With the lake and the boats and the cricket.

Dad: Oh, yes! That was nice.

He had probably forgotten by the time we drove to the end of the street.

On a different note, there has been a lot of unusual activity going on at my neighbours house Nil Points. (See Got My Goat for description of irritating neighbour).

He has had a lot of visitors, this time in twos or threes. Looked like they were all paying homage to something, bringing gifts of Frankincense and Muir no doubt. I think his wife has dropped their sprog. It could also account for the fact he has not banged on the wall for a week. Finally, he must have something else to occupy his teeny, tiny, bird brain.

I wonder which bird Nil will turn out to be, the one on the left or the one on the right. Either way I'm feeling a tad 'birdbrained'.


Friday, 7 August 2009

Clinks, Pinks and Monet

Claude Monet. Waterlilies after 1916 Nympheas.

On our day trip to London, we were supposed to be going to the London Dungeons on that 2 for 1 offer via National Rail......bloody rip-off that was! Couldn't even get anywhere near the entrance, the queues trailed all down Tooley Street and around the corner by the traffic lights. Ridiculous!

However, all was not lost. We traipsed along the South Bank and ended up in 'The Clink' prison. When I was little my Nan always used to say to say to me, when I was naughty, - 'you do stuff like that and you'll end up in the Clink!'.

Now I know there was an actual prison called The Clink, I thought it was just east-end slang!

Not much to see just a few chastity belts, thumb screws and a scolds bridle that stops a woman from gossiping! Its all about the girls innit?

We set off again and I took the kids to into Shakespeare's Globe Theatre, mainly to use the loo, but it was lovely in there. We peeped through the doors and across the court yard so we could see into the Globe. (They wouldn't let us in because we didn't have tickets). But the kids got a glimpse of the Globe's round stage, which they found interesting because of all the stage work they do.

Then we descended upon the Tate Modern.

Past experience has taught me to be a little wary of the Tate, especially with kids in tow, because some exhibits seem to have an unhealthy obsession with sex for some reason!

However, on the second floor they had an abundance of Pablo Picasso. Amber is very interested in art and she loved Picasso's Three Dancers.

Then, oh, joy of joys I found a Claude Monet!

One of my favourite painters.

When I was twenty-something I nipped over to Paris with my sister to go to the Louvre Museum, they had a Monet exhibition there, however the day we attended there was some bomb threat, so we never got to see the exhibition, and it has always bugged me. We ended up going to the Moulin Rouge instead!

Seeing Claude Monet's work really made me think.

Had it really taken that long, a zillion years, to finally see something I was interested in? And then to only see it by sheer accident?

Had the arrival of a Hubby, marriage and kids distracted me so much that I forgot my hobbies?

Apparently so.
I am in a 'Clink' of my own!

Anyway, I thought I would share with you his beautiful work, and I hastily add that that picture, although the painting is not one of his best, does not do it any justice whatsoever!

It was full of pinks and blues and greens and yellows.....truly lovely.


Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Asperger's Roller Coaster

The Asperger's roller coaster of life has hit the Rebel family again.

The last few weeks of Olly's primary schooling was extremely difficult. He had lots of plays to do and what with all the impending change at primary school and the change to senior school in September, it all got too much for him.

He freaked out big time.

This particular incident was shocking - even for me! I thought I had seen everything, but I was mistaken.

I am too ashamed to write a description of the incident. But zero tolerance is exhibited in any country or culture of an incident of this nature. I was appalled enough to threaten him with the police and social services to get him removed from our home. And if it happens again, I will call them.

Sometimes I am at my wits end. You do your absolute best, to try to be a good mother, to raise a child to be a good, law-abiding adult, to lead a happy and successful life, but when a child is on the Autistic Spectrum, quite frankly, you have your work cut out.

I feel like I keep banging my head against a brick wall.

You do all this work, attend appointments, ASC Support groups, get the diagnosis, get a good school for him, get him surrounded by people who, (supposedly), understand him and basically work your bloody arse off in doing what is best for him (and your life becomes his life), then he goes and does something that he could go to prison for. Asperger's Syndrome or no Asperger's Syndrome.

Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting for a lost cause.

Over the last four weeks I have walked on egg-shells for him. Pussy-footed around him, just to get through the last week or so of school. I have bend over backwards trying to keep peace and harmony around him, so he can get through this difficult time and I have never worked so hard in my life!

Even when I had three jobs and studied, nothing is quite as exhausting as Olly.

You would think that he would be happy now, with no school to go to? Well he isn't. He is miserable. A miserable git!

He is attending a holiday club, just in the afternoons for 2 weeks. It barely equates to 3 hours a day. I drop him off late and pick him up early, just so I can do my chores - shopping or house cleaning or some other monotonous crap!

He seems to think I have a 'jolly' time without him, that I kick up my heels, go dancing, or that he is missing out on something. I have to give him a full description of my 3 hours when I pick him up!

It beggars belief!!!!

And the miserableness is catching..........I cried today because he just stomps around, crashing things about, moaning, always looking like a great thunder cloud is hanging over his head (he has that dark, moody look) and the continual and habitual arguing with his sister.............Its enough to drive a sane person mad and take to the hills!

However, instead of running for the hills, I have booked a day out tomorrow in London with Hubby and the kids to try to lift morale.

Hopefully, the Asperger's roller coaster will level out slightly. We can but live in hope!


Sunday, 2 August 2009

Flying Birds And A Short Joke

As I am taking a little flight this month with Hubby (He does not work for any of these airlines, I hastily add), but I wanted to show you who he has to work with!

Ole Madam up there no doubt!

Yeah, he mentions the poofs but not the birds!

So, here's a little joke for you.......................

A man was sitting in the bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 and noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.

He thought to himself: Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an air hostess. I wonder which airline she works for?

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Airline slogan, "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, 'Well, she obviously doesn't work for Delta'.

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head, so he leaned towards her again and said, "Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look, and he mentally kicked himself, while scratching Singapore Airlines off the list.

He thought "Perhaps she works for Thai Airways..." and said, "Smooth as Silk?"

This time the woman turned on him and said, "What the F*** do you want?"

The man smiled, slumped back in his chair, and said - "Ahhhhh, Ryan Air!"


Blame Tara Meme

The wonderfully Sticky Tara, at Sticky fingers has passed on her Meme to me.

What is a Meme?????

Anyhow, the Rules are as follows:

I'd like to get to know you better, answer these questions and pass them on.

1. Who is the hottest movie star?

Johnny Depp - I just swoon!

2. Apart from your house and your car, what is the most expensive item you've ever bought?

Must be tickets to travel somewhere, as I cannot see any items of any value anywhere in this god-forsaken house! A burglar would be most disappointed.

3. What is your most treasured memory

Giving birth 3 times and knowing that I will never ever have to do that again!

4. What is the best gift you received as a child?

Having known my Maternal grandparents for 17 years. I wouldn't have missed that for the world. Fabulous people. And having my friend Lou. Still mates after god-knows how many years.

5. What's the biggest mistake you've made?

Cant one have 3 mistakes? (oops)

6. 4 words to describe yourself


Enough or do you want more! How can you ever describe yourself? I think the other people are more qualified!

7. What was your highlight or low light of 2008?

Highlight - miserable old grandad (the other one) popped his cloggs - Low light - he stiffed my father for his inheritance and my aunt tried to hide what he did have.

With lawyers and solicitors I got it back for him.

8. Favourite film

Gone with the Wind......I shall never go hungry again!

9. Tell me one thing I don't know about you

I was born in East London.

10. If you were a comic book/strip or cartoon character who would you be?

Beryl the Peril.

OK, so pass it on:

A Modern Mother

Amy At And1moremeans4four

The Ice Queen over at the Constant Chill Factor

Dottie at Bringing up charlie

Woman at work

Jo Beauxfoix

Miss Leslieanne at life with a little dude

Fraught Mummy at Brits in Bosnia

Fragrant Liar

Maternal Tales

Right, that's another one done. I've got another to do - but I really don't know how to answer it.

PS My pizza arrived one hour and 45 Min's late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Saturday, 1 August 2009

Tag of 8's

A million years have passed since the lovely Wife of Bold tagged me and I have finally got round to the Tag of 8's!

The Rules are:

1) Mention the person who tagged you
2) Complete the list of 8's
3) Tag 8 others and let them know.

8 Things I am looking forward to:

1) Kids back at school - yeah, I'm shagged already!

2) When they all finally grow up, bugger off and not keep coming back like boomerangs. (It has been a very hard and long, long day!)

3) Getting the results of my exam (mid-August).

4) Travelling to Singapore in mid-August and maybe Oz. Not sure whether to do both - if I do, I have to travel to both places within 8 days!

5) Getting stuck in Singapore because there are not enough seats to come home. (This I really dont mind one bit, because I will be on my own. At last!)

6) Stuffing a pizza tonight. It's on its way!

7) Stuffing chocolate straight after the pizza.

8) Waiting until everyone has gone to bed so I can stuff more chocolate!

8 Things I did yesterday

I really cant remember - will today do instead?

1) Made lunch for kids

2) Went to Gay Pride Parade

3) Missed Gay Pride Parade - we got there too late!

4) Shopped with kids for clothes as they look like ragga-muffins.

5) Bought kids hot dogs to stuff in their mouths to stop them moaning and arguing.

6) Bus packed on the way home and kids still arguing - told bus driver to stop bus and throw them off. He reprimanded me for being a bad mother.

7) Treated all 3 kids to pizza, (guilt) but everybody wanted something different. More arguments ensued.

8) Have jammed earplugs into ears in attempt to block out the noise.

8 Things I wish I could do

1) Fly

2) Fly away

3) Run away

4) Been born a man

5) Been born a rich man

6) Have more freedom

7) Have any kind of freedom

8) Be someone else

8 Places I would like to Travel to

1) Timbuktu

2) Peru

3) Machu Pichu

4) Shanghi

5) Bejing

6) Fiji

7) Malaysia

8) Las Vegas

8 Places I've travelled to

1) London

2) New York

3) Paris

4) Singapore

5) Sydney

6) Maldives

7) Mauritus

8) Los Angeles

and many, many more! I looooove to travel!

8 People to tag

Zooarcheologist at Being a Mummy

Grit over at Grit's Day - she really makes me laugh!

Muddynosugar at How I like my coffee

Jenny over at The cigarette Diaries

Joanna at The Fifty Factor

Chic Mum over at 4sprogs

Laura at Arewenearlythereyetmummy

and Sandy over at Baby Baby

I have some more tags to do so I'll be getting on with that until my pizzas get here. They are is still not here!!! Where are they???? This wouldnt happen in the states you know!
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