Monday, 11 January 2010

A Shining Light

Happy New Year everyone!

Hope you all had a fantastic Christmas and brought the New Year in, in style!

I think I blinked and missed a decade it went so fast.

Apologies for being away for so long, but I've been a bit of misery lately and thought it best to stay away. (Wouldn't want to be the bearer of miserable tidings, sorrow and woe!)

I also thought I had 'turned a corner' after my last post concerning a certain 'Slapper' and my Husband. But it was a false inclination and instead I plummeted headfirst into a deep abyss.

Here's a quick run-down our jolly Christmas and New Year!

The Silent Assassin

A few days before Christmas, I was buggering about in the kitchen fixing a salad for dinner. I heard my Husband laughing at something on the telly in the other room. I had been brooding on that blasted email and hearing him sound so jovial and happy while I was so miserable, caused my self-control to snap and my temper to flare.

I picked up the salad bowl and flung it at the kitchen wall. It shattered all over the floor. Hubby came rushing in, thinking it was an accident and soon realised it wasn't when a heavy mixing bowl whizzed past his head and smashed into the kitchen door. This was quickly followed by a mug, a wire rack and a saucepan.

He is quite a good 'dodger', although I could be a lousy shot.

He scarpered out of the kitchen, whilst I flew out the back door and grabbed the nearest thing to hand, which happened to be a garden spade.

The shed was the first unlucky recipient of the spade, with a good few gashes taken out of it, the garage door also got a good smacking and now wont close properly and needs a couple of coats of paint, but the BBQ got the worst of it. It lay pitifully on the ground smashed to pieces.

Oh...... how I wished it was her. And he was bloody lucky it wasn't him!!!!!

I was in a 'murderous' rage. I have never been so angry. But the scary bit was that not once did I yell or scream or shout. It was like a whirlwind of destruction. Like a Silent Assassin. But I'm only human. Even machines have breakdowns.


A couple of nights later, I ran away from home. I didn't go very far or for very long because it was bloody freezing, but it was long enough for Olly to run into Liam's room and demand 'What have you done with Mum?'

It also warranted some concerned phone calls from my Husband, which I didn't bother answering. I was finally 'driven' home, by reoccurring thoughts of frostbite.


Mother came down for Christmas and with her came the other 'Silent Assassin'.

The onslaught of those dreadful Panic Attacks, which were ghastly. They creep up on you when you are least aware of them and usually when your stressed out. I had three attacks a day all over the Christmas period. Funnily enough, when Mother finally left, they disappeared!

Obviously I cannot cope with the added pressure of irresponsible parents.

Mother would start on the Vino at midday which would really annoy me. I know its Christmas, but I don't see why I should put up with a pissed mother. Its disgusting.

Battered Prawn Crumb

My other parent, Father, rang 3 times Christmas Day. Each phone call was more agitated than the last, so on Boxing Day I drove that 200 mile round journey to see him, with Mother and Amber in tow.

A frightful journey, but Dad was pleased to see us. We took him to a Harvester or some equivalent, where he threw a complete tantrum at me in front of loads of people over a cigarette!

He wanted his cigarette NOW, but he has to be escorted everywhere he goes. I wanted to eat something first, because I hadn't eaten in days. So we had a massive row. I had one chip and went outside with him whilst Mother and Amber ate their meal in peace. (Lucky them).

Father then started to choke on a battered prawn crumb that had got caught in his throat! I had to pat/rub his back and get sips of water down his throat to dislodge it, in case he choked to death. He was still clinging to his ciggy.

The Light of My Life

Through out all of this crap I was still running Olly to and from the Theatre Royal in Brighton, where his play, Peter Pan was showing. He played 'Spud', a Lost Boy.

Together with Hubby, Mother, Amber and Liam we went to watch his performance on Sunday 27th December.

It was like all my Christmas' and birthdays rolled into one. A shining light on a dull and dark murky world that glitters momentarily. But a light that is so strong, so bright, that it dazzles you and you never forget its beauty, no matter how brief it was. (An hour and a half).

Never, have I been more proud of my son. To see Olly on that stage, happy, enjoying himself, doing everything that he loves, made my heart surge with pride, love and joy. He made my Christmas. He made my year. He lit up my life and saw that it was worth every moment of excruciating pain for this moment of exquisite joy. A shining light. A ray of hope.

Here's a sneaky piccy of the cast. I may have to whip it off in case it infringes some publication rights, but for the moment here it is:

Olly is the tall boy, right in the centre with the dark hair and a hat on. He is looking towards the camera and SMILING!!!!!

However, the last performance was on the 3rd Jan and Olly was back to school on the 4th. I got a phone call that day about 1pm saying Olly was being suspended from school for one day due to fighting with other boys and telling a teacher to F*** off!!!

Oh well, you cant win them all can you?

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