Friday, 5 June 2009

Bang head here

Dear readers

Firstly I would to apologise if I have not been commenting on your blogs recently, the last few days have been ghastly, to say the least, and today seems to have escalated to a most hideous proportion.

I had been summoned to school this morning regarding the scissor incident with Olly, that happened on Wednesday.

Apparently my son Olly is now considered as some sort of scissor-wielding maniac that is considered by other parents as a threat to the school and society at large.

The parents of the child, who was unfortunately hit in this incident, have been marvellous. I have extended my utmost and profound apologies to this child and the parents, to which they have most graciously accepted, and understand that it was a most unfortunate and isolated incident.

Olly is to make the child a card and to apologise.

However, there are SEVEN sets of other parents who have complained profusely stating that they do not think that the school is safe when Olly is around.

They seem to think that the school is located in some war-torn inner city country, that is rife with gun wielding, grenade-lobbing child soldiers and knife throwing thugs, and the parents of these children MUST be some drug-taking alcoholic, so off their face, they let their child run wild till all hours of the night, stealing cars, robbing old ladies and generally raising menaces to society.

How do I say this?

Oh yes....


He is a mathematical and computer genius - I actually asked him for help with my accountancy exam which is at degree level and he showed me how to do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There isn't anything he doesn't know about animals, space, maths and computers...etc.

He can be the most wonderful and caring boy of this earth, he just as an inability to see the consequences of his actions and reactions. He would not purposefully harm a living thing.

Olly was threatened with suspension again and the Head-Teacher was really pissed off having to deal with these parents.

I will be writing a letter to the school so Olly's side is documented and filed. I have also rang up the ASC group and received advice from them - they put it down to moving to high school, just finishing the SATS and also having Supply Teachers.

This situation has been blown out of all proportion - it was an extremely unfortunate and isolated incident - Olly has never done anything like that before.

We live in a society where everyone is so paranoid; the buying of head-gear for babies so they don't hurt their heads when they are crawling. Playing with conkers in now banned unless you are wearing goggles. You cant even cross the sodding road because there are railings all over the place to stop stupid people from running out into the road.

Health and Safety has gone mad and it wouldn't surprise me that after this incident, scissors will now be banned from schools too.

You must excuse me now as I am going to cry and bang my head on a firm surface until I am unconscious. And no, I wont be wearing a helmet.



  1. Rebel you have been my friend of over thirty years through good and bad we have gone through more things than women and mothers should have to go through. We have kept smiling and laughing despite it all and will continue to do so. Olly has aspergers which presents differculties and brilliance in equal measures. The head teacher wanted the brilliance now she has to deal with this issue. You have to be strong smile hold your head up and soldier on. Love you as always Lou x


  3. Sound to me like those 7 sets of parents need a little EDUCATION. Can't some kind of calm communication between the powers that be and those idiot parents take place so they can stop their ridiculous worrying. Ignorance breeds insecurity, dare I say fear. Hang in there. I hope things get better for you!

  4. I cant believe how these seven sets of parents are behaving, I bet everyone one them would feel differently if it was their child. I agree the world has gone mad and people are more and more ignorant.
    Now, deep breath, chocolate, wine...

  5. I hope the head tells those 7 sets of parents to bugger off.

  6. What a nightmare, we live in such an intolerant society. I work for Mencap and my job would be a hell of a lot easier if people weren't so damn ignorant. Olly sounds like a cool kid and with you in his corner I'm sure it will all come right.

  7. I do hope that the head backs you up and provides these parents with a little bit of education.

    You are an amazing mum and Olly sounds like a top kid. Good luck with it all. I'm thinking of you.

  8. oh dear, you have my sympathies. schools are basically conveyor belts offering a mainstream one-size-fits-all system, however it is argued.

    i spent four years as a classroom teacher accommodating many different dis/abilities and i think of that time as my failure. if it had not been for the support of dedicated special needs staff who accompanied statemented children both in the classroom and outside of it, then i probably would have resigned in bitter despair.

    and i guess i don't need to add that it is often special, gifted, extraordinary, exceptional, quirky, non-mainstream individuals who have most trouble fitting into such a system.

  9. Keep strong hun! Those 7parents are acting like children themselves and if they have a problem then maybe they should take their children somewhere else!

    How silly to blow such a small incident into a huge issue. I hope the head teacher gives them a good talking too. keep smiling hugs to you x x x

  10. I'm not a parent so maybe I shouldn't be commenting, but children are children whether they have aspergers or not, and i'm sure these 7 parents don't have perfect little angels. I'm sure their "little darlings" have hit, bitten and kicked others, and some may have had potential lethal weapons in their hands.
    Keep going and keep smiling - it's the schools problem, not yours or Ollys.

  11. Oh hon I really feel for you. It's the school who are to blame leaving a child with scissors unattended. I hate the way kids with autism are immediately seen as naughty and dangerous. Sounds like those parents need a bit of educating. Try and stay strong xxx

  12. Or you could run wild with a conker on a string, that's even more scarey apparently!

  13. I had a student once who was being made out to be a monster by one of the other parents and I can honestly say that the mom was the crazy one.

    Keep fighting for your kid. You seem to be doing a great job.

  14. In the states, your child would be on an IEP (individual education plan).


    he definitely would not be in trouble. This is ridiculous.

    And, I feel your pain. I think you may have caught a post or two on supersperm! He is one of the reasons that I started blogging. You get a little ostracized when you have different children.

  15. Oh man! I feel for you. You are absolutely right too. Societies on both sides of the pond have gone batshit crazy with the many faces of protectionism. I wish you well with this, and hope things calm down and those seven parents get called into the office with complaints by other parents so they know what it feels like to have their child be so unjustly treated. That kind of thing pisses me off!

  16. I am so sorry to hear that Olly has got into trouble at school over this incident. If the parents of the child involved in this incident were aware of the powerful phrase you used in your blog "he has an inability to see the consequences of his actions and reactions" - then one would hope they would be far more understanding. As for 7 sets of parents - well that's just ignorance and horribly cliquey! Hope this incidence passes swiftly for your family.

  17. Lou - I couldnt have smiled or laughed as much without you with me. You're my diamond rock .xxxxx

    Is it 30 years???? God! How frigging old are we then?

    Bearer - yup, the world has gone mad! Thank you for your kind words. x

    MM - I couldnt agree more. Ignorance is not bliss - its stupidity and it does breed fear. Its just ridiculous! Thank you for your support x

    Oh Zoo! - I bet the parents were little horrors when they were at school too! Now they're all holier than thou! I have stuffed my face with choccy and feel much better! Thank-you xx

    Tawny! Love it! You really made me laugh xx

    Mary - Sometimes it just feels like a constant uphill struggle...'Fight the good Fight' that just goes on and on and on!!! Thank you for you kind comment. xx

    Brit - Thanks so much xx I was thinking of doing a leaflet drop or something to raise awareness.... xx

    Grit - A very good point. The school gets funding for Olly and strategies are put in place so most children can go to mainstream school, but when the strategies fail because the triggers have been missed, this when problems occur. There were 2 days of triggers and nobody spotted them and this is what happened. Bit worrying. Many thanks for your comment. xxx

    Amy! Thanks so much. I think the parents are in for a shock when their babies go to senior school this year....they obviously dont have older children! Hugs received and most appreciated. xxx

    Eliza - very true. Get it 2 years & the kids will probably be skiving off school and smoking behind the bike sheds....I'll be sniggering at them!

    I do feel like its a bit of a gang up though - 7 sets of parents - thats a joke! Thanks for your kind words xx

    Clareybabble - Exactly my point! Its almost like a self-harm because he was bored and cutting his hair. The supply teacher didnt notice!!! I have to have eyes in the back of my head at home, why would it be any different at school? Thanks so much for comment xxx

    SM - Oh how that made me laugh! I shall challenge the 7 sets of parents to a game of conkers without protective head gear, that should have them running and screaming in all directions....Thanks so much for making me laugh! xx

    Ice Queen - thank you so much. There are a lot of crazy people out there....I just wish there werent so many at this school! Thanks so much for your comment xx

    HIt 40 - Olly does have an IEP. And thats what is so annoying because all the strategies to spot the triggers failed. But they are treating him as they would any other child who lobbed scissors. Is this right? I am confused at the moment.
    I do feel ostracized at the moment because I feel we're being ganged up on by the 7 idiot parents.

    Thanks so much for your comment xx

    FL - The world has gone mad! Mad, I tell you, Mad!! It pisses me off too, unfortunately we have to face these parents....still makes us stronger in face of prejudice perhaps?

    Thanks so much for your support xxx

    Ellen - If it were the parents of the child who was hurt complaining then I would totally understand. But it is OTHER parents who's children were NOT involved.

    The child who was hurt and her parents have been really marvellous - it's these other sad buggers that are poking their noses in.

    Thanks so much for your comment and your kind support. xx

    Thank you all so much for your kind comments and your support. Life is such a pain sometimes, but you guys help me through...and make me smile. Thanks for being there.

    Here comes the smile...


    Much Love RMxxxxx

  18. Someone needs to ask the other parents how they feel about the lame-ass teacher who was "in charge" of the students in the first place. It's the school's responsibility to "protect" their children. I read the "scissor incident" post and could have seen a problem coming a mile away. Funny how the "educators" totally missed it. Although throwing scissors is not cool, it's also not your son's fault. I'm guessing the events leading up to the situation left him feeling unsettled, threatened, afraid and unprotected. There is a reason he has an Asperger's diagnosis and the school can't pretend they don't know about it.

    Sorry, I'm new to your blog and can't even remember how I landed here, so ranting is probably not a great first impressions. But, I've been down this road and finally stopped apologizing and started advocating, loudly, for my kid. I don't know how it is in the UK, but even in cash strapped California, it's the SCHOOL's responsibility to TEACH and PROTECT all students, regardless of what diagnosis a student does or does not have. What is the school doing to protect YOUR son?

    Grrrrrrr. I feel your pain.

  19. Christ hun - you're really going through it. Sorry haven't been around to comment before now - am trying to catch up again! You're doing all the right things and I'm sure once the other parents get off their damned high horses they'll start to see things a bit more clearly. Keep being brave and DO NOT bang your head on the table - that bit made me laugh though if it's any consolation! x

  20. I have so been where you are. They wanted to have Joanthan considered a high threat student, center him out from the others and maybe even keep him from school. If any of them could walk a hour in our shoes how changed their piont of view would be. One day Jonathan spoke under his breath about how he was feeling about a situation and they wanted him suspended, (they misunderstood what he was saying) even have charged with uttering threats..poor kid. So I know how you feel, I have been there so many times...there was even a scissor incident only it was with a teacher, he was suspended and he did not even touch any one with them! So are not alone even if it feels that way. Keep your head up, your son has as much right to be at school as any other kid.


  21. So sorry RM; what awful parents...what kind of values are they going to instil in their kids? I can just picture them now gossiping on the playground, blowing things out of all proportion, creating a situation were none exists, they're bullies. Hideous, small minded, petty little S**ts! Sorry but having worked in mainstream schools with children with Aspergers...well, there rarely is a problem. All parties should be working together for the best interest of the child. There has been a document out for some time now called "Every Child Matters", order a copy and throw it at the headteacher next time he even considers's a good read he might learn something!!

  22. Joanna - many thanks for your comment. You totally got it right with the events leading up to it. It was really unsettling for him. Subsequent consequences have led to sleepless nights and bed-wetting - (which i thought we had previously got over)- so he is still really upset. RMx

    MT - Aah, glad your back hon! Over-protective parents I think. I do really feel like banging my head on a brick wall sometimes - being unconcious for a while is a relief!!! XX

    Marianna - thanks so much. I was wondering if you had been through a similar experience and how you coped with it. When your in the middle of chaos you cant see the way out and I'm not really sure how to cope with it. Thanks so much for dropping by. xx

    Katherine - Yeah, it is just like being at school, complete with the gossips and trouble-makers - only now they are parents!

    I'm very interested in this 'Every Child Matters'...I'm going to try to get hold of that. Many thanks Katherine. xx

    Thanks so much for all your comments and advice - it's so hard to see clearly when you're in the middle of a fog!

    Love RMx

  23. Hi RM just discovered you on BMB and was apalled to read your post, I know having heard various stories since becoming a mother that you're not alone - there's a nasty side to some parents - tiny little vigilante-esque minds.
    I'd love you to write something for us about this - if you're interested? I'm at Gigix

  24. I am going through a similar situation today with my daughter who is in fifth grade and has High Functioning Autism with ADHD, She has a IEP and she is 98% mainstream, she was cutting a piece of paper and a boy in the group circle started telling her she was ugly and stupid and other mean things and she pointed her scissors at him and opened and shut them as if they were talking as she said shut up the other students in the circle called the teacher and said she was threatening him with the scissors, My daughter isn’t the violent type at all she is very sensitive and cries or sits down and pouts instead of a confutation. My daughter was removed from class and I was called to the office where I was lucky because the principal knows I work very hard with my daughter on correcting distractions my daughter may be involved in, I spend four out of five days at school helping as a volunteer in may different areas. My daughter did get sent home for the rest of the day and must report to the safe room for the rest of the week before she can return to her class on Monday. The councilor kept using the words
    “ treating another student “ while talking to my daughter and my daughter keep replying I didn’t threaten anyone. All my daughter realizes is she is in trouble so I am working with her on how she might not have felt she was threatening but other students see her with the scissors pointed at another student it looked that way to them, and how she should have reacted to the boy talking mean. My daughter and I agreed she should raise her hand and ignore the boy till the teacher responds to her hand up and tell the teacher what he was doing and let the teacher deal with him. The principal said she is putting her neck out and breaking board rules but she is giving my daughter a very light sentence for this because she feels my daughter isn’t the type that tries to hurt others and because she didn’t understand that what she did is considered a threat, but by board rules my daughter would have been reported and sent to a expulsion hearing and expelled for the rest of the year.



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