Wednesday, 12 August 2009


I spent a whole Sunday with my deranged parents...sorry, that should read...estranged parents and two of my meddlesome off-spring and I haven't been feeling quite the 'full ticket' since.

I drove a two hundred mile round trip to visit my father, accompanied by my mother, who kept up a constant stream of nonsensical chatter, two kids that argued and fought the whole bloody journey and crammed into the boot/backseat was my sister's 6ft venetian blinds.

(I cant even be bothered to go into the 'blind' story, but needless to say they will probably be the most well-travelled blinds in the world once they reach their destination, which is The Netherlands, because Jaye didn't pay for shipping!).

I chatted with my mother about blogging and writing and how much fun it is to meet other people. She gave me a withered look and said, 'What do you want to do all that writing for?'

Me: Because I enjoy it.

Mother: It must take up all your time.

Me: Not really, but I do like it. It's like a hobby.

Mother: You're not being 'groomed' are you?

Me (exasperated): What would I be 'groomed' for?

Mother: Someone might whisk you away and you'll never be seen again.

Me (spluttering with disbelief): Who is going to 'groom' a 40 year old woman with 3 kids and want to lure her away?

Honestly! Sometimes this woman's mind beggars belief!

After two hours of listening to this kind of crap, it was a relief when we finally arrived at Father's.

I have not seen him for 3 months because of my study, exam, the students staying with us and generally life getting in the way and it did sadden me to see a deterioration in his physical appearance and his mental health.

However, despite this and the fact that my parents have now been divorced for about ten years or so, it didn't stop them falling back into their old patterns.

My father seems to have become besotted with Cliff Richard of recent, and put on a DVD which he turned up full volume and started to click his fingers and dance to.

I was aghast! Cliff sodding Richard, belting out for all and sundry to hear.

Mother turned the volume down by the remote and then Father turned it up again manually. Every time Father turned it up, Mother turned in down. This went on for a good 20 mins, with Father exclaiming, 'What is wrong with this telly? Its not as loud as it used to be'. He'd forgotten there was a remote for it.
My mother has always been a bit sneaky.

My parents behaviour had captured Olly and Amber's attention, who had now finally stopped bickering, and were watching my parents with amusement. I just rolled my eyes.

We then had to bugger about taking the 6ft venetian blinds out of the car, to fit the back seat back in the car, in order to get everyone loaded up and go to the park. It was a right pain and I lost my temper when my fingers got trapped and ranted about how my sister was too tight to pay for shipping costs.

After much ado, we finally got to the park and it was lovely. Games of cricket, a lake where people were playing with their little motorised boats and a pretty cafe. It took an absolute age to get to the cafe, with father shuffling along at a snails pace and Olly, who kept running off to chase the cricket ball.

I bought lunch and we settled on the grass sunning ourselves. Unfortunately some insect was also hungry and took a flipping bite out of me. My arm has now swollen up to the size of a balloon.

We managed to bundle everyone back in the car, dropped father off at his home and more messing about with those blasted blinds ensued.

We finally said our goodbyes.

Me: You wont forget we came and took you out will you Dad?

Dad: When?

Me: Just now.

Dad: Why? Where did we go?

Me: To the park! With the lake and the boats and the cricket.

Dad: Oh, yes! That was nice.

He had probably forgotten by the time we drove to the end of the street.

On a different note, there has been a lot of unusual activity going on at my neighbours house Nil Points. (See Got My Goat for description of irritating neighbour).

He has had a lot of visitors, this time in twos or threes. Looked like they were all paying homage to something, bringing gifts of Frankincense and Muir no doubt. I think his wife has dropped their sprog. It could also account for the fact he has not banged on the wall for a week. Finally, he must have something else to occupy his teeny, tiny, bird brain.

I wonder which bird Nil will turn out to be, the one on the left or the one on the right. Either way I'm feeling a tad 'birdbrained'.



  1. You make me laugh so much. I love that your mother thinks you're being groomed.

    Please do let us know when the venetian blinds make it to their final destination. Have you got to take them across the Channel on a ferry?

  2. Gosh Sweetie, you did go through it! No, my mum wouldn't understand about blogging either.

    I hope your sister thanks you for those blinds. xxxx

  3. groomed???? ha ha ha! that is so funny you make me laugh so much, and those bloody blinds! I would have put them somewhere that would cause her a funny walk for a few weeks! xxx

  4. Groomed? Are you secretly a horse who writes very brilliantly?! Blogging is way beyond the comprehension of most parents so I wouldn't take it personally. I hope those blinds are nice!

  5. Too funny. My Father and I had a similar conversation. He asked why in the world I would blog, said it was basically a public diary. LOL. And my brothers/mom read it religiously so he feels left out and says things like "oh, I read your blog the other day" and I ask "which post" so he can EVERY TIME say "ummm, I don't recall." Riot. This man is a genius and he cant remember which post he read.

    Your convos with your parents made me smile.

  6. You Never fail to crack me up, your family are so very very funy, i wonder where you get it from? Your Mum is hillarious and your dad sounds very sweet.
    Maybe they will make a movie about the travelling blinds, you know like they did with the travelling pants. Only i'm not sure the venetian blinds will warrent a sequeal!

  7. I am disappointed that you were not aware that I have been grooming you to join my cult. I plan to win the lottery and take us all away to a private island. Far away where our families are not allowed to visit. And there will be no blinds on the island!! Just lots of chocolate and margaritas.

    .... did you sister even thank you? I would guess she does not have kids?

  8. The Groomed part is hysterical, I am sure I will end up talking to my daughters like that!

  9. Love the picture in my head of your mum with the remote control!!

  10. Good grief you'd whisked me home in just a few poignant words that I had temporarily forgotten like 'mitts off.' You conversation with your mother sounds very similar to my conversations with my own mother, although ours is a long distance international call [thank goodness!]

  11. I love your posts honey. Your life is just so damn hectic - I don't know how you manage. Can just imagine the car journey with the blinds - good job you didn't have any sharp braking going on!! Hope your arm recovers.. and your sanity to boot xxx

  12. Groomed!! My Dad used the same words to me when I said I'd met someone on the internet and we were going on a date. I had to remind him that a paedophile wouldn't be interested in me at 36. He said he would always think of me as a 6 year old.
    Love the bit about the remote! xx

  13. Hey there from Canada! have popped in from time to time on your blog, always enjoy it...just had to comment on this one...Real Life is what comes to mind. Humor is a good antidote for that craziness...along with a good bottle of wine...or what did some one say earlier...chocolate and margaritas.i was just wondering what you thought of Canada and if you would be willing to be "groomed " to come over here and...I don't know...become my house keeper???? Are you kidding me??!! that seriously cracked me up ...along with the remote story, that one is Classic!

  14. Loved this post, gave me a right good laugh it did! My mum is of the "women-in-the-house-looking-after-kids-&-husband" brigade and it winds me up no end!!

    CJ xx

  15. Hello my little lovelies!

    WAW - My mother is suspicious of everything - I'm surprised I was ever born! Yeah, the blinds finally got there. I hope I never see another poxy blind as long as I live! xx

    Jenny - My sister was very pleased with the blinds - I did giver her a right rollicking though. Cheeky mare! Parents are strange creatures. xx

    Amy - beggars belief doesnt it - 'being groomed'. Maybe she still thinks I'm 14 - who knows what goes on in that weird and bizaar brain. x

    HCM - You are so kind saying that. Jaye loved the blinds - good job too, all that flipping hassle. Ah, mother doesnt like writing much she prefers to draw or paint. Mother draws, father writes. I write, my sister draws. Luck of genes! xx

    JennyMac - I thought my kids were a pain, but my parents are worse. Caught between a rock and a hard place! BTW - My father was very clever too - I guess if they are clever, they have a 'flip' side to them too, which is still very endering. xx

    WOB - I can only say I must be very 'blessed' on the parent front! What did I do in a previous life???? I am paying for it now. I'm pleased I made you smile...xx

    HIt 40 - Oh, you made me laugh. Could we go to Necker Island - the Isle full of billionaires? I'm sure they dont have such shoddy things as blinds.... Jaye has one kid - my little nephew - a flipping angel compared to my lot. xx

    Married - you could never end up like that! have your feet firmly on the ground. xx

    Casdok - yeah, she's very sneaky my mother. We did all laugh at that - poor dad, he didnt know what was wrong with his telly. xx

    Maddy - thank heavens you have long distance. My mother lives quite away away, but with all these telephone calls costing nothing for an hour - she whitters on, hangs up, call back and I get another hour....bad enough in the car! I think we need to invest in efficient earplugs. xx

    MT - Ah,. thanks so much. My arm is better, however if it gets hot it still itches...bit strange that. I lost my sanity years ago, if indeed I was actually born with any. No hope of that returning or developing I fear!!! xx

    Sandy - Its nice to know we are not alone with our wacky parents. But I guess we will be the same with our kids. The remote was funny. She just kept turning it down really blatently and he didnt realise! xx

    Hello Cat! - welcome to the Madhouse! I'm so pleased you like the blog. Life is so crap sometimes, but with a positive spin or a laugh, its not so bad...I'm going to pop over and see you in Canada. Thanks for dropping by.xx

    CJ! Ah, may thanks - I'm pleased I made you laugh. Better than crying any day. Parents are very strange! xx

    Many thanks for all your comments, I always love to hear from you. Lots of love and saucy winks


  16. I love the idea of being 'groomed'. Makes blogging in its own right seem a tad dull now!



Blog Widget by LinkWithin