Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Asperger's Roller Coaster

The Asperger's roller coaster of life has hit the Rebel family again.

The last few weeks of Olly's primary schooling was extremely difficult. He had lots of plays to do and what with all the impending change at primary school and the change to senior school in September, it all got too much for him.

He freaked out big time.

This particular incident was shocking - even for me! I thought I had seen everything, but I was mistaken.

I am too ashamed to write a description of the incident. But zero tolerance is exhibited in any country or culture of an incident of this nature. I was appalled enough to threaten him with the police and social services to get him removed from our home. And if it happens again, I will call them.

Sometimes I am at my wits end. You do your absolute best, to try to be a good mother, to raise a child to be a good, law-abiding adult, to lead a happy and successful life, but when a child is on the Autistic Spectrum, quite frankly, you have your work cut out.

I feel like I keep banging my head against a brick wall.

You do all this work, attend appointments, ASC Support groups, get the diagnosis, get a good school for him, get him surrounded by people who, (supposedly), understand him and basically work your bloody arse off in doing what is best for him (and your life becomes his life), then he goes and does something that he could go to prison for. Asperger's Syndrome or no Asperger's Syndrome.

Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting for a lost cause.

Over the last four weeks I have walked on egg-shells for him. Pussy-footed around him, just to get through the last week or so of school. I have bend over backwards trying to keep peace and harmony around him, so he can get through this difficult time and I have never worked so hard in my life!

Even when I had three jobs and studied, nothing is quite as exhausting as Olly.

You would think that he would be happy now, with no school to go to? Well he isn't. He is miserable. A miserable git!

He is attending a holiday club, just in the afternoons for 2 weeks. It barely equates to 3 hours a day. I drop him off late and pick him up early, just so I can do my chores - shopping or house cleaning or some other monotonous crap!

He seems to think I have a 'jolly' time without him, that I kick up my heels, go dancing, or that he is missing out on something. I have to give him a full description of my 3 hours when I pick him up!

It beggars belief!!!!

And the miserableness is catching..........I cried today because he just stomps around, crashing things about, moaning, always looking like a great thunder cloud is hanging over his head (he has that dark, moody look) and the continual and habitual arguing with his sister.............Its enough to drive a sane person mad and take to the hills!

However, instead of running for the hills, I have booked a day out tomorrow in London with Hubby and the kids to try to lift morale.

Hopefully, the Asperger's roller coaster will level out slightly. We can but live in hope!



  1. AWWW I really feel for you Rebel Mother. my parents fostered to boys with aspergers and I have seen how difficult life can be, but I can only imagine the pain you must feel especially when they are your own flesh and blood and you love them so much. Painful.

    I hope your outing does lift morale and is a big success. Hugs and cyber support, Widge xo

  2. Be strong woman, life is hard sometimes but at the end everything pays out, do not get crazy, just try to make it flow.

    I feel your pain, but be strong.

    (You made a new follower today)

  3. Sooo difficult- YOU must never be ashamed though. You can only try and guide your son right from wrong.
    My nephew has Aspergers, he's very big for his age & I can envisage that things are probably going to get tough as he gets older.
    It sounds as though you are doing a fantastic job in a very hard situation. Chin up, stand tall- you should be proud of yourself.
    CM x

  4. It must sometimes be so hard, having a child with Aspergers. I have so much respect for you, I struggle with kids let alone those on the autistic spectrum.

    Hope you have a great day in London. You all sound as if you deserve it.x

  5. My son is just 12, and there have been moments already when I have been at my wits end, not know how on earth I will make it another day.

    But you do. You get up, do it, then do it again.

    You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. Hope things improve.

  6. I'm sorry you've had a rough time and i wish i was there to offer you a tissue or a hug when you were upset.

    I hope you have a wonderful day out and you are such a wonderful strong women, keep smiling, thinking of you xxx

  7. Oh Rebel Mom, Been there, done that. I'm sorry you and your son are struggling so. Keep up the good work and hang in there.

  8. I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. I'm also really sorry for your lad, that he seems so unhappy and unsettled. They just break your heart don't they? I hope you have a great day out

  9. hope the london trip is positive. never be ashamed. we all have this range of behaviours because we are human. and there must be something to celebrate somewhere... like our humanity.

  10. I am so sorry. I totally understand. I have trouble taking my youngest out in public. He refuses to be nice to my friends kids. I have one good friend who totally understands what a little jerk that he can be who will go out with us.

    I don't know what to tell you. My child enjoys his music? It seems to calm him down- playing guitar or saxophone. And... bike rides. He seems to be getting better with age. I hope your son gets a little better with time too.

  11. Hello Widge - You got it right. It is painful alot of the time. Thanks so much for your support xx

    Hi Daniel. Life seems to be a 'sod' most of the time! Thanks for your comment and you made a new friend too! x

    Aah, CM - you're a love. They do grow tall dont they? Olly is 5ft 4", weighs 9.5 stone and a size 8 shoe!!! Never thought I would be ashamed, I dont flow that way, but I was! Thanks so much for your comment xx

    Brit - Aah, thanks so much. God doesnt give us anything we cant handle - so the saying goes. I think God has a lot to answer for personally, but thats my two pennith! Thanks so much for your comment.

    Mrsb - so true. You do get up and do it again, and again and again......oh dear, it doesnt stop does it? xx

    Amy - Hello sweetie. Yup, rough with the smooth. Hug received and now I'm smiling again. Thank you. xxx

    JJ - Many thanks. How long does it go on for? Forever? I'm hanging in there - many thanks for you lovely words of support xx

    WAW - You never know how much your heart will tolerate or keep breaking until you have a kid! Quite extraordinary really, the amount one can take. Thank you for your kind words xx

    Grit - Spot on. You got it. We strive to be more than human, to be perfect, but its just not humanly possible. Thank you xx

    HIt 40. Many thanks. Olly likes the guitar, but too much music or noise drives him a bit crazy. I guess sometimes parents are just to bloody exhausted to cope , but hopefully tomorrow will be better. xx

    TRJ - Thanks for your comment.

    Many thanks for all your comments - they are always so supportive....what would I do without you all?

    Your just simply FAB!

    I'm smiling now

    Much love RMxx

  12. Sorry I'm late. Sooo behind on my Google Reader.
    I really feel for you. I find it hard enough dragging up my two. Sending you huge (((HUGS))). Would writing down your feelings help? I don't mean for your blog, but just for you.
    Chin up xxx



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