Monday, 2 November 2009

Hot Forks

Oh my God! Is it over? Is that hideous Half Term week finally over?

It must be. I can hear nothing but silence in this house.

I feel like that shattered looking squirrel, completely done in.

The considerable torture that parents have to go through during Half Term week is nothing short of barbaric!

There should be a law against Half Term week.

I may as well have been tied to a post for a week and prodded with hot forks.

Not only were the kids off but Liam also took a week off work and Hubby was home for a few days.

'Oh, that's more help', I hear you cry.

Noooooo! That's a house full of lazy, smelly, dirty boys!

The house smelt like a sweaty boys locker room. Bums and feet!

The whiffs that emanated from the boys bedrooms where foul. Liam was the biggest stinker, being holed up in his bedroom for the entire week. The pong from his room was enough to make your hair curl. (We discovered later it was his slippers.....Ugh!).

I did nothing but run round clearing up after everyone, picking up their stuff, throwing open windows, doors, trying to get rid of the stink; hoovering and cleaning everyday. It was nothing short of slave labour.

And the NOISE!!!!!!!!

So much bloody noise!

There would be intermittent silences followed by loud crashing noises followed by shouts of OOOOOHHHH, AAAAHHHHHHHHHH, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. The times I jumped out of my skin.

I took those kids out everyday for a 'run' and still they had boundless energy. They remind me of dogs. I'm not partial to dogs.

And don't go thinking that Amber was a little angel.......the minute my back was turned, that little madam was up to no good.

On Sunday I had to go and visit Father again, so I took Olly with me, picked up Mother on the way and left Hubby, Liam and Amber at home.

Mother was actually quite well behaved this trip. Father would wander off one way and Olly would go the other - so one of us would run after the 'wandering one'. It was quite mentally and physically exhausting.

Anyhow, when I finally got back home, unbeknown to Hubby and Liam (useless pair), Amber had got hold of my pink nail polish and daubed pink paint on just about everything. She also stuck stickers all over my armchair. More horrifyingly, she had grabbed a pair of scissors and cut a fringe into her hair. You know, one of those fashionable cover-up baldy type fringes.

I was aghast!

I told her I was taking her to the hairdressers, but she couldn't wait could she?
I can only trust in Karma. What goes round, comes round.

Children should come with a health warning:

BEWARE: This child may cause loss of sanity, premature aging, frazzled nerves, extreme money shortage, teeth loss, gum disease, hair loss due to unavoidable pulling, stomach ulcers, high blood pressure and sleep deprivation. Avoid becoming a chocoholic, alcoholic, or dependent on prescription drugs. Can cause adult to self-destruct and in extreme cases may cause death.

Mmmm......Maybe its just my kids that should come with a health warning!




  1. Oh it sounds awful...I have to hold my nose whenever I enter the boys' changing room at school. That smell is terrible. It sounds as though you could do with a long break now.

  2. But I am sure you would not be without them. Cherish them. Before you know it, they have left home and you are moist-eyed, wishing they were back!!

  3. By the way I have left an award for you.

  4. I can almost smell it now...gross. I'm glad you have made it through this terrible time well enough to tell the tale.

  5. i'm tired just reading that post!! and i love the side effects of children, had me laughing my cup of tea everywhere lol xxxxx

  6. Phew! Glad it's over. I hope now you can put your feet up and relax!
    PS Loved the health warning :-)

  7. No all kids need to come with health and money depriving warning. It should appear on our stomachs as a part of pregnancy. Except that would be too late. I know where we could have a warning that might be effective but I'm not sure the guys would go for it...

  8. Oh no i had an a similar experience regarding the haircut when my four yr old decided to hack of one side off her hair - it's still ony two inches long ekkk. I have visions of your little one resembing Loyd Christmas from dumb and dumber lol

    At least i don't have the smelly boys to contend with though, sounds stinky, amen to school eh x

  9. I love the gloves-off, let-it-rip honesty in this blog! Go girl, tell it how it is! I had a pretty tough half term too because my kids would not stop bickering from morning to night.

  10. i totally agree about the health warning. why didn't my mother ever tell me?!

    maybe she did, when she was running round the house, clutching her head in her hands, but for me aged 6 and painting the kitchen floor with sand and orange soda, i just thought maybe it was something minor in her day, like the co-op had run out of tomatoes or something...

  11. Yikes indeed - that sounds like a rather unpleasant week. Am laughing at the smells and noise! Hopefully you can release the Febreze with wild abandon now they are back to their respective routines! x

  12. Hello!

    Gosh, has another week flown by? Its getting faster and faster.....

    CM - Any break would do me. No sitters, no nannies, no bleeding nothing. Still, I shall endeavour to stop myself going completely mad, but choccy and smokes. Aaahhhh. RMxx

    Rosiero- So true. Cried my eyes out when Liam left. Now he's back, its a different matter. He lives like a pig. I am never satisfied, obviously! Thank you for my award, its fabulous. RMxx

    Ice Queen - Only just. the peg on my nose is wearing a tad thin! RMxx

    Amy - You have to have eyes in the back of your head and octopus arms! Its too much, really it is. RMxx

    JJ! Hello sweetie. There are health warnings everywhere but not for kids.....give it time. RMxx

    Oh Brit, you do make me laugh. No the guys wouldnt go for it at all. We'd all be queuing at the sperm bank....! RMxx

    WOB - What is it with kids and scissors? Christ! 2 inches long? Good job its winter, time for hats. RMxx

    AW - So pleased I'm not alone. My kids argue from dawn til dusk too. Just like my folks did. I obviously have a penance to pay....RMxx

    Ah! Grit, you naughty thing! Very creative though; sand and soda. Must have a bugger to clear up!!! RMxx

    HCM - I keep fabreze going. The house still smells of boys. Why do they stink so much? Must be a primeival thing. Me, man, must make fire, must make noise, must smell bad! RMxx

    Thank you all so much for your comments. I love to hear from you, because you guys make me smile.

    Here it comes


    Much love RMxxx

  13. I would second any law against half term week!!



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