Hot Forks

Oh my God! Is it over? Is that hideous Half Term week finally over?

It must be. I can hear nothing but silence in this house.

I feel like that shattered looking squirrel, completely done in.

The considerable torture that parents have to go through during Half Term week is nothing short of barbaric!

There should be a law against Half Term week.

I may as well have been tied to a post for a week and prodded with hot forks.

Not only were the kids off but Liam also took a week off work and Hubby was home for a few days.

'Oh, that's more help', I hear you cry.

Noooooo! That's a house full of lazy, smelly, dirty boys!

The house smelt like a sweaty boys locker room. Bums and feet!

The whiffs that emanated from the boys bedrooms where foul. Liam was the biggest stinker, being holed up in his bedroom for the entire week. The pong from his room was enough to make your hair curl. (We discovered later it was his slippers.....Ugh!).

I did nothing but run round clearing up after everyone, picking up their stuff, throwing open windows, doors, trying to get rid of the stink; hoovering and cleaning everyday. It was nothing short of slave labour.

And the NOISE!!!!!!!!

So much bloody noise!

There would be intermittent silences followed by loud crashing noises followed by shouts of OOOOOHHHH, AAAAHHHHHHHHHH, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. The times I jumped out of my skin.

I took those kids out everyday for a 'run' and still they had boundless energy. They remind me of dogs. I'm not partial to dogs.

And don't go thinking that Amber was a little angel.......the minute my back was turned, that little madam was up to no good.

On Sunday I had to go and visit Father again, so I took Olly with me, picked up Mother on the way and left Hubby, Liam and Amber at home.

Mother was actually quite well behaved this trip. Father would wander off one way and Olly would go the other - so one of us would run after the 'wandering one'. It was quite mentally and physically exhausting.

Anyhow, when I finally got back home, unbeknown to Hubby and Liam (useless pair), Amber had got hold of my pink nail polish and daubed pink paint on just about everything. She also stuck stickers all over my armchair. More horrifyingly, she had grabbed a pair of scissors and cut a fringe into her hair. You know, one of those fashionable cover-up baldy type fringes.

I was aghast!

I told her I was taking her to the hairdressers, but she couldn't wait could she?

I can only trust in Karma. What goes round, comes round.

Children should come with a health warning:

BEWARE: This child may cause loss of sanity, premature aging, frazzled nerves, extreme money shortage, teeth loss, gum disease, hair loss due to unavoidable pulling, stomach ulcers, high blood pressure and sleep deprivation. Avoid becoming a chocoholic, alcoholic, or dependent on prescription drugs. Can cause adult to self-destruct and in extreme cases may cause death.

Mmmm......Maybe its just my kids that should come with a health warning!

Ho-Hum!

Hot Forks