Thursday, 19 March 2009

Swimming and Knickers

My French student managed to talk my ears off the other evening, despite her claiming that she cannot speak English very well. In fact we talked so much my tongue hurt. I was completely knackered the next day, but had to attend an 8.30am meeting at the school. (Olly is going on a school trip on Monday for a week, so I had to meet with the teacher and the SENCO to make sure that plans were in place if things don't go well).

When I came home I happened to notice the length of hair on my legs! I was flabbergasted. It must have been two inches long. The evening before I had taken a swimming class with nothing but men in it and all they do is look at your legs and feet. I was mortified. I shall now be known as the hairy swimming coach. Grabbing some cream I spread it on one leg...then I ran out! I had to use some rusty old razor that I found in the bathroom on the other leg - almost cut myself to ribbons. I have decided to wear jeans for the next week. Must also check to see if my tetanus jab is up to date.

The kids had were entered into the Brighton and Hove Swimming Gala, representing their school, so I legged it down there, met my friend Bea and got a good seat. Unfortunately this good seat was next to a very bad and very loud young woman who had a gob on her the size of Dartford Tunnel. I have nothing against yelling and cheering, which I do frequently....but not directly in somebody's ear. I had to stuff toilet paper in my ears and then eventually move. She buggered off in the end, but my ears are still ringing now.

(Some random woman came up to me and told me I was showing my knickers off over my jeans and I might want to pull my top down to cover them up! I had an overwhelming urge to 'moon' her. I do not blatantly show off my knickers unless I get paid for it. How motifiying!)

The outcome was quite good for my kids, Amber got a bronze medal and Olly got two bronze medals and the team overall did really well. Poor Bea's daughter's team did not do well at all. In fact in a 6 swimmer relay, they had only entered 5 swimmers and they came last in every race because the kids could barely swim a length. Bea's daughter was really shouting at the other swimmers and Bea was laughing. I took notice of this because if Olly yells or shouts at anyone I get really edgy and tense because I don't know what is going to happen or if he will lash out at someone. But because Bea laughed, her daughter saw this and just looked exasperated and shrugged her shoulders.

It was quite good fun, until Bea found out she had got blocked in the car park. Bea is from South London and is quite blunt and forthright, but has a very comical side. However, she wasn't laughing at this point, she was down right furious. I had found Amber, but lost Olly and some Dad had got chatting to me and asked for a lift home with his son, as he only lives around the corner. Olly finally turned up after we had waited 30 Min's. We all trooped to the car park only to find Bea still there, still blocked in. The air in her car had turned blue she was swearing so much!

Got caught in traffic on the way back, but managed to drop off the Dad and his kid. Drove around to the Theatre school and dropped the kids off. Picked up Olly after Drama and went home. Put the kettle on and made a cup of tea. The phone rang. 'Can you come and pick up Amber, she's not feeling very well?'

Gulped down some burning hot tea - my poor tongue - and shot out again and picked her up. On arriving back home again, I realised Olly had to play in an orchestral night at the school. Hurriedly got him ready - he wasn't pleased at all and complained a lot - well, actually he swore an awful lot. Dropped him at the school. Came home, made dinner for the student and myself. (Kids had already eaten). Shot out again and picked up Olly - he had had a lovely time. I managed to have a sneak look through a curtain and it looked wonderful. (I had forgotten to buy a ticket).

Things I have learned today:

Take care of tongue. Keep a watchful eye on legs so as not to be able to plait hair. Never use a rusty razor. Remember to buy tickets to kids events. Remember to buy ear-plugs. Do not stand too close to tunnels for fear of being swallowed up by them and do not listen to strange women at swimming pools who are obsessed with your knickers.


  1. And you said my blog was funny - this post is hilarious! Plaited leg hair? um, I have some tiny elastic bands somewhere....

  2. Thank-you kindly Ma'am! If fashionable plaited leg hair ever catches on, I may have to borrow those tiny elastic's!



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