Monday, 23 March 2009

Men to boys

OMG it's so quiet around here! Olly has gone on a school trip for five days. There is no incessant questioning, no fighting with his sister, no getting up at 1am to change his bed clothes, no telling him to eat with his special knife and fork instead of his fingers! No helping him get dressed in the morning...Is this normal? I think even Amber is slightly bored. What am I to do?

I'll tell you what I did. I had a fight with the washing machine. The damn thing wouldn't give me back the clean clothes. They had got all mangled and ended up in a big knot. When I finally managed to wedge them out, I hung them on the line and was mortified to discover some 'Grandad Pants' hidden amongst the linen. Then I remembered my Hubby telling me he had bought some new underwear. God, was this it? (He is ten years older than me and heading straight to the big five 'O' this year), but that's no excuse. Where are his Tanga's? What the frig are these? At least I know his not having it off with someone else - no woman in her right mind would have an affair with someone who owns these monstrous things! I confronted him with them and dangled them right in his face asking, 'Do you think these are sexy?' 'Do you think you're gonna get any Tiffin with wearing these?'

I told him, if the Tanga's did not return then the only solution would be to buy some Grandma knickers to keep the Grandad Pants company. I think they are in the bin now.

I finally saw my lovely No1 son Liam on Mother's Day. There has been a bit of change in him since he moved in with the Rhino, her mother and her two sisters. He was sitting on the sofa with Amber and said 'Amber shall I plait your hair for you?' Amber was delighted. I just looked at him. Liam then said 'Are you looking after your hair, it needs a bit of conditioning'.

I could not control my tongue any longer.

Me: Are you turning into a poof? (I know its not politically correct, but I just love that word!)
Liam: What?
Me: What's with you and the hair?
Liam: It just feels a little rough.
Me: I think you need to spend more time with some men love, you're living with too many women.
Liam: Yeah, I know.
Me: You want to sort that out, or your be coming round here with a flower in your hair before you know it.

He then took the kids outside and played football with them, smashing up my garden fence and kicking the ball against the window. (That's more like it!)

He only stayed four hours before Rhino turned up to pick him up. It felt like some sort of visitation rights. You know, four hours every three months.....still at least he came and thank God she went.

So now this house if full of women too; me, Amber, the student and Hubby. (No, Hubby is a man, he's just a feminine one). It smells sweeter and is a lot quieter, so quiet in fact it is like a bloody morgue. Oh, how I miss my noisy, smelly boys.........


  1. I wish you'd have put a picture of the grandad pants on the blog before they hit the bin!

  2. Ooh, didnt think of that. Honestly, they were the biggest b'stard pair I have ever seen in my life! They should be taxed into extinction.

  3. I am from your neck of the woods. Used to live opposite the Pavillion. Ah, summer nights on the pier. Hope the smelly ones return soon.

  4. Ah, Brighton. Nothing like it; that salty sea air and stinky fish warms the cockles of my heart!



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