Reality Verses Oblivion

Dear Readers

The reality of life has kept me prisoner for over a week and it has been hideous.

I am managing to sneak a post, whilst the beast is sleeping.

Actually, its not a beast. It is a 17 year old extremely bright, but extremely neurotic student who was convinced she has swine flu!

Our little Spanish girl, Espania, who has been kicking up her heels and gallivanting until all hours for the last two weeks got a temperature and fell ill. Probably due to fatigue, exhaustion and partying too much.

You know, you've been there.

However, the mother, who is a million miles away in Spain and a total neurotic, rang 12 times on Sunday, convinced her daughter had swine flu.

I tried to tell the mother, that her daughter was not lying listlessly in bed with blue fingernails, red rashes and blue lips, she was in fact eating all my food, having showers, watching telly and feeling sorry for herself.

I only had a sandwich on Sunday and fell asleep fully clothed on my bed, because I was so exhausted from all the running about, cooking, cleaning, washing, waiting on Espania hand and foot and listening to nothing but Spanish crap down the phone.

It escalated to global proportions on Monday. The mother phoned the agency and Pippa, the head of the agency, sped over in a taxi to see what all the fuss was about.

Pippa and Espania's mother ended up having a massive screaming match down the phone and Espania had hysterics.

Pippa managed to get a private Doctors appointment and whipped Espania off in a taxi.

It was a relief to see them go.

The diagnosis was a virus. In other words, a cold with a temperature!!!!!!!

I have vowed not to take in any more students. I would rather eat out of a dustbin or eat mung beans for the rest of my life.

I have to go now, as I have to run out and get paracetamol in 500mg tablets, which has to be taken every four hours, and on 20 minutes to the appropriate hour and take the temperature to see if the paracetamol is breaking the temperature!!!

I think this situation deserves a few swear words:

What the fuck???? Who takes paracetamol like that?

and

Cock off!!!!! All that shouting in my house over Swine Flu.

and

Roll on 25th July, when they all bugger off home.

PS. We have 3 other new students who are fine.

PPS. I keep reciting Kipling's 'If'. It keeps me sane.

PPPS. I have never felt such a need for oblivion. A good dose of sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll mixed with copious amounts of alcohol should do the trick. And a ciggie.

Reality Verses Oblivion