Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Reality Verses Oblivion

Dear Readers

The reality of life has kept me prisoner for over a week and it has been hideous.

I am managing to sneak a post, whilst the beast is sleeping.

Actually, its not a beast. It is a 17 year old extremely bright, but extremely neurotic student who was convinced she has swine flu!

Our little Spanish girl, Espania, who has been kicking up her heels and gallivanting until all hours for the last two weeks got a temperature and fell ill. Probably due to fatigue, exhaustion and partying too much.

You know, you've been there.

However, the mother, who is a million miles away in Spain and a total neurotic, rang 12 times on Sunday, convinced her daughter had swine flu.

I tried to tell the mother, that her daughter was not lying listlessly in bed with blue fingernails, red rashes and blue lips, she was in fact eating all my food, having showers, watching telly and feeling sorry for herself.

I only had a sandwich on Sunday and fell asleep fully clothed on my bed, because I was so exhausted from all the running about, cooking, cleaning, washing, waiting on Espania hand and foot and listening to nothing but Spanish crap down the phone.

It escalated to global proportions on Monday. The mother phoned the agency and Pippa, the head of the agency, sped over in a taxi to see what all the fuss was about.

Pippa and Espania's mother ended up having a massive screaming match down the phone and Espania had hysterics.

Pippa managed to get a private Doctors appointment and whipped Espania off in a taxi.

It was a relief to see them go.

The diagnosis was a virus. In other words, a cold with a temperature!!!!!!!

I have vowed not to take in any more students. I would rather eat out of a dustbin or eat mung beans for the rest of my life.

I have to go now, as I have to run out and get paracetamol in 500mg tablets, which has to be taken every four hours, and on 20 minutes to the appropriate hour and take the temperature to see if the paracetamol is breaking the temperature!!!

I think this situation deserves a few swear words:

What the fuck???? Who takes paracetamol like that?


Cock off!!!!! All that shouting in my house over Swine Flu.


Roll on 25th July, when they all bugger off home.

PS. We have 3 other new students who are fine.

PPS. I keep reciting Kipling's 'If'. It keeps me sane.

PPPS. I have never felt such a need for oblivion. A good dose of sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll mixed with copious amounts of alcohol should do the trick. And a ciggie.



  1. Oh sweet RM - I don't know how you do it. Been wondering how you are. Glad to see you're just about still alive. I hate to be the one to remind you but are you ok for carnival hosting on Tuesday?? Hope so xx

  2. I feel your pain!!! I get the same kind of smack teaching from over protective parents.

  3. OMG I am never taking in students! Good luck and hope the 25th arrives swiftly for you :)

  4. My aunt took in an exchange student from Russia one time and the girl went home pregnant. You can't trust those crazy kids!

    Although if I was one I would do the same thing...party, not get pregnant. Good luck to you!

  5. I am worn out just reading your post. At least the other three students are doing fine as you say. Your PPPS should produce another rollicking post.

  6. The beast sounds like a right pain in the arse as does her mother. I hope you get properly remunerated for all the stress! x

  7. Brilliant use of swearing!
    I really feel for you, deep breaths.
    I will never take in students either.
    Roll on the 25th! x

  8. Im thinking the ppps. is def' called for! you're a very brave person!±

  9. Oh the ppps is the way forward. Don't know how you are doing it! How draining. 25th July is coming soon... the 26th shall be Independence Day, Bastille Day and Christmas all rolled into one.

    (I have a bit of time on Monday, so if you need it then give me a shout if there is anything I can do to help with the carnival!)

  10. Sweet Jees-sus! I don't know how you've done it without the ciggies and alcohol already!!! But save some for your phone bill. All that long distant ranting will be expensive.

    Hang in there. only 10 days to go!

  11. What a damn nuisance for you. This swine flu is being used as an excuse for far too many viral illnesses. I don't know how you have the patience.

    CJ xx

  12. So because you take in students you should suddenly be their mother??!!
    S was at a party the other day and apparently the mums all panicked because he coughed. For crying out loud! x

  13. As you clearly have nothing better to do with your time I have added a meme tag for you on my blog :-)

  14. Ye gods, and there was me moaning because it's nearly end of school and holiday time and I will have two youngsters saying in chorus: "what can we do now mummy?"
    I will never complain again!
    I also have a humble appology to make for being so rubbish at accepting the award you gave me an age ago . . . and by appology I mean I've tagged you over at mine! x

  15. Hello!

    Sorry, been a bit snowed under AGAIN! Flippin' 'eck, it never stops.

    MT - Still alive, only just....Carnival sorted xx

    Hit 40 - Over protective parents are driving me mad! You get ill, get better. You get in a fight, win. Get on with it!! Thats what I was taught anyway. xx

    MGM - Many thanks. When it works, its fine. When it doesnt it really bloody doesnt! xx

    IQ - oh you made me laugh! Pregnant. Jez! Her parents must have flipped! xx

    Technobabe - yeah, I still havent obliviated myself. In desperation now....ahhhh! xx

    WAW - Is this generation a bunch of wooses? Get a cold and you have to go to hospital? God help 'em! xx

    Sandy - nearly there, cant wait xx

    OMG - ah, your so kind. I think I'm stupid and skint, not brave! Heyho! xx

    Brit - I can see your angel wings from here - thank-you sweetie xx

    JJ - It's lucky I'm partially deaf, so i couldnt hear a lot of the crap being spoken, which was probably a good thing. Too much partying you see. Could do with a party right now! xx

    CJ - You're so right! Media hype is ruining this country and everyone is so paranoid. Next month, it will be something different. xx

    Clarey - A Cough? Oh, when will it end? xx

    Mum of 4 - You make me smile. Many thanks for that, I'll pop over when I get a mo xx

    Hello Sticky! No worries, we're all busy bees. Thanks for the tag.

    Thanks so much for all your comments, I love to hear from you.

    Kiss and winks and hugs to you all RMxx

  16. Just found you over here through BMB - you did make me laugh (OK with slight hysteria) as our 21 year old odd-job-boy-come-person-who-arrived-one-day-and-never-left is going through the same thing convinced he has swine flu. Actually I fear it is far worse - man flu!

  17. TW - Ha! Man flu. Love it! Personally I think it is Media flu and Hysteria flu and other such bollocky flu-type....things!

    Thanks for you comment xx



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