Sunday, 6 December 2009

Named and Shamed



This is why I have been such a shit blogger lately.
About a month ago I was looking at my husband's work rota and noticed that he had a trip with a certain woman, who has caused me much anguish in the past. Unfortunately, I didn't notice the name until he had actually completed his trip.

I confronted him about it when he came home and he said that when he saw her he 'shit himself' when he realised he would be working with her.

I threw a complete hissy fit, because he had ample time to ring me and tell me, or send me a text or just be upfront about it. But he didn't. (He's a Scorpio - very secretive!).

After some advise from my friends, I let it go, although, I wasn't sure if anything had happened and I had no evidence to assume the worse.

However, I had good reason to be suspicious because this certain woman and my husband had an affair 7 years ago. Although it was a very difficult time in our marriage, we got through it, and I believe, made our marriage stronger. But forgiving is easier than forgetting. No-one forgets.

A week ago, I logged on to his email by chance and found an email from her to him and attached to it was an email he had sent her first! The crafty bugger had deleted all his 'sent' emails.

The gist of it was they were going to meet up on 'Sat 5th December at 6ish for a coffee'.

I rang him in Hong Kong and let rip a torrent of abuse, including that our marriage was over. I then sent them both an extremely scathing email telling them exactly what I thought of them.

When he returned, we talked/shouted/screamed for five days. I have not been in my right mind because here are the things that happened over these days.

1. In a spate of fury I attacked my husband and punched him like a boxer punches a punch-bag. Relentlessly. Being 6ft and built like a rugby player, he took every punch I gave him.

2. I asked my son Liam, if he could 'score some draw' (WTF!!!!!) Luckily Liam laughed at me, saying it would 'addle' my brain. (Sometimes he assumes the role of a parent. I can only hang my head in shame at this one).

3. I am unable to eat any food. It all tastes like cardboard to me and hence I have lost about 10lbs in a week. Its called the Rebel Diet of Diet Coke and Cigarettes!

4. As you know I don't drink, but I got a bottle of vodka mixed it with Valium and sleeping pills and got shit faced. I then proceeded to 'Tiffin' my husband out of his brain.

(What that was about I don't know. Is it like a cat, spraying your territory? It is a primitive and primeval thing that I have yet to decipher....).

5. I have been checking emails, phones, all forms of communication and I don't like this person I have turned into. It is vile. I will not live this life.


6. I keep forgetting things. I thought I put the lamb in the oven, only to discover it had been sitting on the side for TWO hours.

7. I have missed 3 of Amber's dance classes, her 'watching week' and her Christmas Carol concert.

8. Olly has missed 5 days of school due to his performance in Peter Pan, but I keep forgetting to call the school. They keep texting me asking where he is.

I am a complete mess.

My husband's side to all of this is that on the last leg of this trip this 'slapper' gave him some sob story that after he had left her, she got in with a bloke who used to beat her. My husband felt sorry for her and he felt it was his fault that she had got in with a nasty fella and that her life had turned out so shit.

I told my Husband that my life was shit! I have a father I have to look after, a child with Asperger's and a husband that cant keep it in his pants. If you start having empathy and sympathy for the 'other woman', then it is time to get out of a marriage.

I told him that if he wanted to be with this woman then he should just go, I will not stay in a marriage for the sake of it. He said he had no intentions of going anywhere. I told him he 'cannot have his cake and eat it'.

I asked him for a divorce and he refused. He said that he had been a 'prick' and that he had only emailed her to meet for a coffee to help cheer her up, because she was so down! (They both had a trip on the 5th, so they could would be in the same office for about an hour from 6-7). I said, if you start having coffee with a childless spinster of 40 it is hardly going to be left as a coffee! How thick are you???

I only have his word that nothing has happened on that trip or since that trip, and quite frankly that's worth piss all. Although having read back the emails a thousand times, it sounds like nothing happened and this appears to be the only form of communication. But who the hell knows!

I feel like running away and letting them all get on with it. I will not stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of it. My marriage is in tatters and I'm not sure it is worth saving. I told my husband that he can continue to live here, (apart from the fact I will not kill myself from exhaustion looking after his kids, and I need the mortgage paid), but that I now wish to be free to find someone else.

He told me that he loved me more than life itself, that he wanted to grow old with me and spend the rest of our lives together. He said he was stupid to email her. I told him that he was the love of my life, but he has broken my heart again and broken the trust. I told him that I didn't love him anymore and I doubted if I would ever love or trust him again.

I feel so empty.

My husband did not go and meet her yesterday, he was with me at 6pm. He then drove to work and waited outside in the freezing cold and talked on the phone to me for 35 minutes until he had to go check in at 7.45pm.


I wonder if this could be a mid-life crisis? He turned fifty a month ago, his wife is now qualified and maybe he felt surplus to requirements of the family......the attentions of another woman is very flattering and perhaps a boost to his ego.

What I cannot forgive though is the humiliation that I feel.


It is making a mockery of marriage and everything a wife stands for; for being a soul-mate and mother to his children. Humiliating her and ridiculing her position within the family and making it worthless is absolutely diabolical. She knew he was married with kids and it makes me sick. They are both to blame.

However, the wife is a wife for a reason. She is not the mistress, nor the bit on the side, nor the tart he is bonking. The wife is his equal. She is the hub of the family and her strength is the glue to the family. She keeps the kids fed, watered, clothed, washed and educated. She goes on courses to understand her disabled child, she organises everything, she looks after her husband, looks pretty for him, listens to him moaning, becomes his best friend. Looks after her parents, his parents and as if that isn't enough, she'll probably go out to work and bring home the 'bacon' as well!


To this end, I will name you and shame you, because I am worth so much more than you......



Patsy Ryan.


Be content in knowing that if you get my husband it is because I no longer want him.

You are no match for me, I'll crucify you.


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38 comments:

  1. Oh my dear..I wish there were some magic words of comfort. Follow your gut but don't forget to listen to your heart.

    Big big big Hugs...

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  2. Men can be idiots - no secrets there! I hope you work it out, either with your hubby, or on your own. Don't feel humiliated - you've done nothing wrong. If your hubby gets the chance to put this right, I hope he breathes a sigh of relief, and never underestimates you, or makes you feel unappreciated again. x

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  3. oh man I'm completly and utterly gutted for you. this is every wife's worst nightmare and I feel sick for you.

    I really hope he has'nt done anything, but I know where you are comming from in the aspect of how dumb they can be to fall for the other womans sneaky emotional traps. trust me I DO know. I've been the crazy wife checking emails, texts the works. the suspicion is a killer.

    it's such a bad place to be and i really feel for you right now. I hope things become much clearer and I really hope you remeber to look after YOU. doing destructive crap is just going to hurt you and others around you more in the long run (I know it sounds very mary poppins and i don't mean it too, I just care and it's the truth).

    love to you from this side of the hemisphere if it counts for anything xoxo

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  4. I'm mulling this over, but I think you have it all pretty well in hand. Except the tossing him to the curb. With all you have and have to lose, I would say hard evidence of infidelity is a must (physical OR emotional).

    Hard to heal when the other woman is like a bad penny and just keeps popping up.

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  5. Oh lordy what a mess.
    I am going to be the unpopular one here and say don't do anything rash while you're feeling like this.
    You are emotional and angry and want to punish him.
    But men aren't wired like us. They don't think things through like we do and make judgement calls we think are utterly ridiculous because, well, they're just stupid really (!)
    You need to get yourself into a position of power. Find strength, and then decide what you want.
    If you decide you don't want him then fine, but you will have made the decision from the right place and (hopefully) won't live to regret it.
    If you do want to make a go of it, decide what it will take - trial separation, counselling, whatever, just do it on your terms.

    I felt really really sad reading this because it is an emotional outpouring and you clearly want to get it out there and off your mind. I really do hope writing this helped and that you find a peaceful resolution.

    Oh and by the way, not all Scorpios are bad . . . ! x

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  6. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please don't jump into anything yet....I can totally understand why you are so angry and hurt what with the past history.
    Did you go to counselling together before? Would you consider it now.
    Who am I to offer advice anyway, just a shoulder if you need one.
    Look after yourself....I'm still just going through the daily motions eighteen months later.
    Take care. xxx

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  7. Couldn't read such an emotion filled post and not give you a ((hug)).

    Tara's advice is good. Bide your time, get a clear head then make the decisions that will affect the rest of your life.

    More ((hugs)).

    x

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  8. I yi yi! I was afraid, after your last post, that this is where you were headed. I am so very sorry.

    My advice, for what it's worth-- You should not feel humiliated, your husband should. He's a liar and a coward and he knows it. You've done nothing wrong, now or before. And regardless of what did or didn't happen, he's still a liar and coward, midlife crisis or not, and should be embarrassed by that fact.

    That said, please make time for yourself to think this through before you make any decisions. And take all the time you need. Maybe seeing a therapist will help you sort things out so you can decide if you want to work at this or not. Hubby can cool his heels and wait until YOU make choices. THEN you can discuss your future as a couple.

    And EAT something, please. No more vodka and pills, okay. Eat something healthy and keep your energy up.

    Know that I am sending love and support from Los Angeles. Hang in there.

    xo

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  9. Oh my. Wish I could give you the biggest hug and make you a cup of tea.

    I agree with Tara. Take your time and don't do anything that might be a knee jerk reaction. This is an important decision which affects the rest of your lives (yours, his, the kids). Make sure you make it when you have a clear head. x x

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  10. Men don't go through the menopause as we women do, but they do strange things around the same age which you could refer to a 'mid life' crisis. Trust is a hard thing to have in any marraige, and for you it has sadly gone.
    We wives do tend to get taken for granted, any woman knows that. I am so sorry for what you are currently going through, just wish there was some advice I could give to help.
    TG

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  11. Poor, poor you. It's awful to be in such turmoil. I wish I could send you some ease. However, for what it's worth I'm with Brit in Bosnia and Tara. Don't do anything rash. Do what's necessary to make yourself feel better, give it time, talk to him and then see how you feel. Good luck.

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  12. Now you know why I try to write in a light-hearted way, but I could find nothing funny about this at all!

    MM - Thank you so much, they are wise words indeed. Hugs received and so much appreciated. xx

    Jacqui - I dont think men have the capacity to engage their brain sometimes - it just fresh air floating around there, or think of possible consequences to their actions. I just got really cross writing this post, because many women have been in this situation, like poor Chic Mama and after all we do for them and the family, this is the thanks we get. I may turn gay now! Thanks so much for your comment. xx

    Widge - you are totally right. Why did she tell him about being beaten by a guy? Does that casually pop into a conversation? Emotional blackmail. You dont sound like Mary Poppins at all, you sound like you have your head screwed on. Your love from down under is very much appreciated and counts for everything. Thank you for being there xx

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  13. @Eloh I totally agree. Being so distraught, its easier to assume the worst and takes a few days to get this into perspective. Hard evidence is required. However his email said 'Miss you' and her email 'Great to hear from you' and 'sending love xxxxxxxxxxx'. Oh God, I want to vomit!!! But so far, that is the only evidence. I shant hang him yet! Thank you so much for commenting.

    Sticky! I'm so sorry I made you sad. I did need to get this out and I do feel slightly less 'out of control' and things are a bit more in perspective. I do feel as though I am in the driving seat, after all those things he said, but I'm still not sure where I want to go and if I want him with me or if I believe them! I feel that everyone is entitled to one mistake. But two....with the same person... maybe its just too much to bare....
    Thank you so much for your advise - you are a wise bird. PS Scorpio women are fantastic, it just the men that are a bit strange xxx

    CM - hello! Yes we did go to councilling before, the whole family was in it! It was quite good. I did ask him if he wanted to go again, because obviously there is something troubling him. But he is away now, so I'll approach it again, perhaps, if he comes back. When I read your blog, you give me such strength and that last bit on my post had you in mind. I was so furious at how we are treated and disrespected....oh God, I've got that bee in my bonnet again. Thanks for being there. xxx

    IM - hugs received and most appreciated and returned. Thank you for being there.

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  14. Hello JJ - I think he is embarrassed by what he has done, either that or being caught has embarrassed him. I always wonder 'what if'. What if I hadnt caught this email, where would it have gone....it can drive a sane woman mad.. 'What if's'.

    I dont know what I am doing, I'm taking it day by day. I just feel really numb and hollow, if that makes any sense. I have eaten a bit of bread today, and I feel a little better. I promise no more vodka.. Thank you for being there. xx

    Brit - ooh I nice cup of tea. Your hug is received and one is sent back, tenfold I've had a lot of knee jerk reactions - they are very strange things. You are quite right, I shall just try to cool off before making a decision. Many thanks for your advice, I really need it. I feel swamped and overloaded. xxx

    TG - thank you so much. I am in such a quandry at the mo. I'm pleased that you said men do strange things...I cannot judge an older mans reaction, because my father has been ill since he was 43, so I'm not sure if men do have mid-life crisis', I have nothing to compare it with. Many thanks for being there. xx

    Ellen - thank you so much. I never knew life was such a pain in the arse. We seem to lurch from crisis to crisis.....its ridiculous! xx

    Thank you all for your comments and advice and for being there. I am crying now because you are all so fantastic.

    Many thanks and much love RMxx

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  15. Ooer, what a tale of woe.
    I know I would feel exactly the same as you, but I could not, would not have taken him back seven years ago. When the trust has gone, how can it ever be right?
    Patsy Ryan eh? Even the name (sorry Patsys everywhere) is pants.

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  16. Oh lovely I wish I could come around and provide hugs and cake - you sound so in need of them

    I wish I could say something that would help but I just don't know where to start. Instead can I say that you need to take care of yourself first - take time to decide what it is YOU want and need from this

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  17. OMG, what a terrible situation to be in, I'm so sorry this is happening. I tend to agree with Tara - take your time, don't go with any emotionally loaded decisions - try and think this through.

    Wish I could help in some way. Take care x

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  18. Oh sorry your hurting, it's pants i know. It is posssible to get through things eventually as you well know but that's if you truely want too. I can't imagine the betrayal your feeling right now though at the fact it's the same trollop again...what a complete home wrecker, i know it takes two to tango but women like her make me sick to my stomach. Have some warn stodge and lots of ben and jerrys then take your time to think things through x x x

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  19. OMG. So so sorry. Apart from kicking him in the nuts and flambeeing them for supper, it is difficult to know what to advise. It may just be he is innocent and just didn't think their meeting through, or he may be as guilty as sin and lying. What you do next depends on whether you can forgive him and try again or whether this is the last straw in an already fading marriage. Pour a stiff drink and take your time.

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  20. I don't know what to say other than reiterating all that's been said beforehand sending more tea, chocolate and sticky toffee pudding.
    Patsy's obviously 'needy' and so many men seem unable to see through that and the opportunity it presents them. I definitely don't condone her behaviour but think that getting to 40 without a partner &/or kids must feel very empty.
    Probably also wrong to make a sweeping generalisation but men are ridiculously niave and driven by their trouser snake no matter what their age.
    Look at it this way....if the worst happens you're already doing most of the practical stuff on your own and managing better than most. Do you actually need an unfaithful/unreliable man or would you be better off with your girlfriends and the odd power tool should the mood take you ;o)

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  21. OMG I would feel exactly the same. But I hear the best thing is to stay very very cool. I know - impossible - but it's what I've heard. Then clearly explain that you are going to see a lawyer "just in case" and "to know where you stand". Make him think you are in total control. Men are pricks at times.

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  22. Can totally sympathise, men can be such arses. Make sure he knows who is the boss in the relationship and have a good cry in private. Hugs xxx

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  23. Oh sweetheart. Deep breaths. Take some time to think about it when you're not feeling so damn let down. And I'm here for you if you need a cuppa and a bit of husband-bashing. I could do with some of that myself!! Hugs, kisses and anything else you need. xxxxxxx

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  24. Oh honey. He's an idiot, an absolute idiot.
    I hope you can get through this, either together or separately. Sending you huge (((HUGS))) and xxx

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  25. I'm so sorry to hear this....as if you haven't got enough on your plate with an AS child, without all this. You sound amazingly articulate, considering what you're going through :)

    Sending ((Hugs))
    xxx

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  26. This is awful...I am so sorry. Sending you positive thoughts and hope you come out of this better and stronger than ever. Big hug to you.

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  27. Bloody Nora. I'm stuck for words. All I can say is YOU ARE WORTH A MILLION TIMES WHAT SHE IS AND THE REST. I hope the kids are okay through this too, they will be the strength you may need in the coming weeks/months.

    Shit, I'm speechless. Take care my friend.
    K xx

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  28. Maddie: Because of the kids and the fact I have no-one to give me a hand (no parents, relatives or anyone to even sit for a night), and various other reasons, we stayed together, but it did make our marriage stronger, at the time.

    You made me laugh about the 'pants' name. I immediately thought 'Shame she cant keep her pants on really'!xx

    MAM - I could really do with a big fat choccy cake! And the hugs are much needed. I have started to sleep again, but I am still shattered. And have started to eat a little more now. Thank you so much for being there. xx

    Notsupermum: It is awful, but I'm not the first and I shant be the last. I will bide my time...I feel less like killing someone now!!
    Thank you for your comment. xx

    WOB - Beggars belief dunnit? She's a cheeky cow, I'll give her that. It makes me feel so sick just thinking about it. Ben and Jerrys sounds delicious though. Many thanks for your advice xx

    Rosiero - I did kick up the arse 3 times with winkle-picker boots as well as punching the hell out of him. Not appropriate, but it made me feel better!

    Thats exactly my dilema - is he innocent or is he guilty? Not much evidence at the moment. But I guess time will tell.

    Thanks so much for being there. xx

    Frosty: I think this particular 'Patsy' is nothing more than a Bunny Boiler. She knew I had access to his emails, yet she deliberately emailed him. If she left a note for him at work I wouldnt have found out.

    I am unable to feel any empathy with this woman, because she is obviously out to try to wreck my marriage - TWICE and make me as miserable as her.

    It is flattering for any of us to have an admirer, but acting on this is different. Rather like window shopping - you look, but you may not necessarily try the goods...!

    Power tool...ha! I do have one, I shall blow the dust off it and set it to work!!!

    Thanks so much for your advice xxx

    Reasons - a fab idea. I will consult a lawyer, so I know where the land lies. I am surrounded by idiotic men - i do love them though - but even when my son was with Rhino, he couldnt see the wood for the trees..... My education in men & how their mind works is increasing! Thanks for being there Reasons xx

    Ah, Zoo. I have cried so much my face feels like a bit of old leather! I shall try to be in control. Thanks so much xxx

    MT - thank you so much, hugs and kisses received and sent back. I'm feeling a bit better now, although I've mislaid my sense of humour.... Its very theraputic, Husband-bashing, more so when its a physical act. Thanks for being there MT xx

    Sandy - Thanks so much hun. Ooooh, I feel so warm with all the hugs. Men arent known for their common sense are they? Thank you for being there xx

    Rachel - You are very kind to say that. I dont feel very articulate, I feel very aggressive and physical! Never rains but it pours huh? Thank you for your comment and hugs - much appreciated xx

    JennyMac - positive thoughts are starting to come through. I feel a positive weed at the moment, but I guess its one day at a time. Thank you for your hug. xx


    I just wanted to say, thank you all so much for your advice, I really needed this. When you are in a shitty situation, you cannot see anything, it is hard to function in everyday life because of the distress and anguish.

    Thank you for being there for me - it means the world to me.

    Much love RMxx

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  29. Just found your blog and what you wrote really affected me. He has been utterly selfish and thoughtless in meeting up with this ex-flame of his.My thoughts are with you and you seem like a strong woman. I hope you get through this.

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  30. I stumbled on your blog and just wanted to say how much I really feel for you! I left my husband last year before I even had confirmation he was having an affair...I just knew. And I was right.

    I took great comfort in destroying his relationship with her by texting her at appropriate times (fortunately/unfortunately I knew the times they met every week so timed it perfectly!) I don't feel guilty for doing this...she stole my husband and got everything she deserves. He's now with a rather nice lady and we get on ok-ish, and I am the happiest I have ever been. I'm glad I am rid of him, I deserve so much more, and so do you....everyone deserves 100%.

    I'm not saying you should leave, all I am saying is it is OK to do that. I'd been unhappy for years with my ex but stayed for the kids, and look where that got me! Before that I would have criticised anyone who parted because of what 'they' wanted. I believed every parent should stay together for the kids. But my kids are now happier than they have every been in their lives, and I could never see the effect the bad relationship was having on them until we left.

    Time is what you need. It will get easier, whatever you decide...make a note on your calendar 1 month from now and mark that as the day you will feel 'different' (not better, not cured, just different) then focus on it and aim for it and know that all you can do is keep pushing forward because there IS happiness waiting for you in your future :o)

    Good luck and God bless x

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  31. At the end of the day it is pretty immaterial now if he did or he didnt keep his pants on. The inexcusable thing is that he has made you feel like this.
    Hang in there... keep blogging and ranting and crying and swearing (but probably not the vodka thing) and all of these amazing people who have stopped by your post to offer you support will continue to do so.
    Big hug. x

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  32. Oh! Deep breaths!...There is'nt alot left to say, as most comments have covered it all pretty well. I agree that you should wait a while, for the mist (Red! No doubt) before you make any big, life changing decisions. Oh and as I'm in Brighton too, if I hear or see someone called 'Pasty Ryan' would you like me to trip her up or something?!?! Much love xxx

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  33. OH shit! Just realised I called her 'Pasty' instead of 'Patsy'...x

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  34. Holy crap! Shit! Mother-Effer! That sucks donkey balls. Your hubs has got to work at getting you back, and I know first-hand how difficult that will be. I feel your pain, sister.

    You can't control his behavior, but you can control yours. Living well, being awesome, rocking it independently, and investing in making yourself happy and healthy is the best revenge. Be awesome, sister!

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  35. Hi Emma - so sorry you had to find the blog mid-crisis! Its not usually so bleak. He as an IDIOT! 'Worse things happen at sea', as my Nan used to say. We'll get through this. Thank you so much for your comment. xx

    Secret Corridor - Good for you. I totally understand, its also called Karma; she destroyed your relationship and it came back and bit her in the arse! Ha!

    You can never see what is happening when you are in the 'eye of the storm'. All you see is chaos until your brain gets itself together. I have found that one of the most difficult things in this life is to be married. If I had my chance again, I may think twice! I am so pleased that your kids and you are happier now, after all, thats what life is about isnt it? To be happy and content.

    I am starting to feel different. Its taken some time though.

    Thank you so much for your advice, it was really appreciated. xx

    YMT - Yeah I did feel like shit. I just needed to obliterate everything with the vodka thing. Sometimes I find oblivion comfortable, then everything comes back into focus......and I can get a grip.

    And these guys have been truely amazing......
    Many thanks for your comment and advice, fantastic. xx

    BMTA - Ha! I think she is pasty patsy!!! Oh you did make me laugh. Nah, you dont have to trip her up.... give her a good shove! Thanks so much for being there, you did make me smile. xx

    FL - ah you are a darlin'. I totally lost my way....freaking out all the time. But I think I'm getting focused again.

    Donkey balls? Oh how you made me laugh!

    And you are quite right. I had a life before him and I'll have one after him. We'll see how it goes. Thanks so much for being there. You are an angel.

    A huge thank you to you all for being there during this crappy time. I doubt I would get through this without you all.

    With much love, a little smile 'cheeeeeese', and a ton of kisses

    RMxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  36. for some reason this post never made it into my reader so i am just catching up. I'm so sorry about what has happened and i'm sending you a big hug, nothing is worse than feeling the way you do. I hope he does some serious groveling to you which from the sounds of it he needs to do and quick!! please take care of yourself and i'm thinking of you love as always amy xxxxxxx

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  37. Oh man, that's a horrible situation to be in.

    This post really resonates with me, I had an almost identical experience with my ex. He cheated; I gave him a second chance then saw a text where they were arranging a coffee meeting. HUGE row, he told me nothing was going on. I gave him another chance on the basis he'd never see her again, then a month or so later, checked his email to see they were meeting again.

    I didn't have any proof anything had happened but my feeling was a) the trust was gone and I knew I'd never get it back and I didn't like being the woman who allowed myself to be treated that way and b) I deserved more than a man who would go and have coffee with someone he'd cheated with knowing how much that would hurt me if I knew. How much could he really care?

    He always maintained nothing was going on - it wasn't until a year later one of his friends confirmed that, yes, they'd been sleeping together.

    I think you can only do what feels right for you, but from someone who's been there, I'd say:

    - don't demean yourself. Allow yourself that one emotional reaction, but then try not to act out. One day you'll look back on this and it's a lot more satisfying to know that you were the better person, that while they lied or were sneaky or hysterical, you didn't do anything you'd later be ashamed of.

    - secure your position and that of your kids. I waited a month after finding out my ex was still seeing his mistress before I kicked him out. THat let me get the house valued, see a divorce lawyer, even find the best storage facility to move his belongings to. Knowing where I stood and how I'd manage let me make a decision from a position of strength rather than fear.

    - Trust your instincts. You know what you can and can't live with. Don't let anyone else's opinion sway you, and that includes your OH.

    Anyway, best of luck and hope you're feeling a bit better about it by now.

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  38. I am so sorry to hear that. Hope the clouds above your head have moved and you can see the horizon again. Have been there, too.
    xx MM

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