Friday, 16 October 2009

A Little Faith

This is a picture of my mother.

Her head buried in the sand as usual.

Regular readers will recall how my Mother thinks I'm being 'groomed' by my lovely blogging pals, and last weekend she told me that I was her favourite child for 2 and half years, until my sister was born!!!

Yeah.... well, we all have our crosses to bear don't we?

Anyway, last Friday I was invited to attend an award ceremony which was held in London at the Institute of Directors. It was in view of finally passing those bloody exams and becoming a full member of the Accountancy body.

I was only allowed to take one person with me and unfortunately Hubby was in Johannesburg, so Mother muscled her way in and decided she was going to come.

As usual we got behind time because of Mother's incessant nonsensical chatter about absolutely nothing, so I was rushing trying to put on a bit of 'slap' (make-up). I was mortified to discover that I had overdone it with the make-up. My light brown eyeshadow was in fact really dark brown/black and I had put lashings of black Kohl eyeliner on. I resembled something out of a porn movie ... much to my disgust.

Mother, in the meantime, had got rather excited about her jewellery, and was wearing every little piece she had brought with her. She was a walking 'bling'.

With parting comments from the kids on our appearance, 'Oi, what you got on your face?' and 'Nan, you look like a rapper', we left Liam watching the kids and grabbed a cab to the station.

It was pissing down with rain and we spent a hideous 20 Min's stuck inside the confines of a cab, listening to a lunatic cab driver rant about how 'we' are bombing his country! (Oh, just shut up and drive!!!). When I could stomach the rantings no long, I got him to pull over and flung the money at him, whilst Mother and I escaped into the pouring rain.

We caught the train, grabbed another cab and finally arrived in Pall Mall. The IOD was lovely. Mother was extremely happy as the booze was free flowing.

I had asked Mother to take some pictures of me.

This is the one Mother took of me in the hat and gown.

Who the hell is this? That's not even me! This is a picture of a random woman.

And this is the one she took of me going on stage to receive my award from the president:


This isn't me either. This is a picture of the shoulders of the people sitting in front of us!

Bloody woman.

Luckily, I'd booked the photographer to take some professional photos, so we had to queue up to get my picture taken with the hat and gown. Whilst we were queuing, Mother went in search of more booze.

Mother: I'll just get another glass of wine

Me: Haven't you had enough of a whine today?

Mother(oblivious): Ooh, look at that waiter, there's loads of wine on his tray.

Me: Yeah, you like a nice whine don't you?

(Sometimes I just cant help myself).

I finally got some lovely snaps taken, however, my behaviour in front of a camera has always been a little........sluttish!

I cant help it. I used to model, and its hard to leave those days behind, especially when the photographer is so encouraging. 'Oh, we've got a glamour puss here!', and 'That's it, a bit more, turn this way.....goooood'. It was his fault for encouraging me!

Mother was appalled. 'Everyone's staring at you', she hissed.

'I don't care', I replied, pouting and pushed my boobs out a little more. I do this just to irritate her.

So to irritate me, she somehow managed to persuade the photographer to have her photo taken with me! I now have my Mother in my photos! Urgh!

Admittedly, they are more demure.

While the presentation was being held, I snuck out to go the loo. When I came back, Mother started whispering.

Mother: I never realised what you had achieved.

Me: Does that surprise you?

Mother: Well, you know, you having such a big child......(she meant me having Liam at 17, who is now 23).

Me: Did you not think I could do it then?

Mother: Well, quite frankly, you were the last person I would have thought would have achieved this.


Me: Well, at least I have not lost the ability to surprise you then.

If she stopped playing at being an Ostrich and took her head out of the sand once in while, perhaps she would realise that being labelled for an eternity as a 'teenage single mum', does not always equal useless, stupid and thick forever!

A little faith is required.

(Me singing) Have a little Faith


  1. cant wait to see the 'proper' pics

  2. Well Done! The hubby is also an accountant, he keeps it secret though lol! Those pictures are also quite memorable, im sure they will remind you of those intimate little things you forgot in the future. The chairs for example.
    Mums eh! xx

  3. lol, as always most entertaining, we should introduce our mothers, they would lots to talk about! Anyhow, grats! I am heading back to school myself this Jan (fingers crossed) if all works out.

  4. Congratulations on your achievement. I know your husband and children have to be proud of you for passing the exams. Are you going to post and pics of you and your mom?

  5. Great photos!! Glad that your mum realised in the end what you have achieved - congratulations.

  6. I loved the image of the pair of you dolled up to the nines, you like a porn star and mother like a rapper.
    As a fellow 'teenage mum', 30-plus bloody years ago, I can confirm that indeed we move on and can achieve.
    So looking forward to seeing the professional pics.

  7. A fantastic achievement (my dad passed got an accountancy degree but wasn't an accountant !)

    Photos are fab, I guess we have to imagine the ones of you...!!

    And just to say thanks for that great comment you left on my post, your help would be appreciated. My own accountant is very doom and gloom but couldn't understand why my carer's allowance was being threatened - sorry, nothing to do with your post!

    Best wishes, CJ xx

  8. Congratulations yay, shame about mothers :-(

  9. Congratulations! I am glad that you had a good day, even if the pictures didn't quite *ahem* capture the moment!

  10. Congratulations on making it, it is a massive achievement and I hope you are very proud of yourself.

    As for mothers, we all have one, but who'd have them? Love the pictures though, did make me giggle. x

  11. I appreciate your subtitles for slap (make up) Very funny!! You need to start a new blog that your mum does not know about.

    Congratulations!! I am excited about your new beginning.

  12. From one accountant to another: Congratulations!
    I decided to curl my hair for my graduation ceremony. I also wore a hideous burgundy and cream suit and big glasses. I looked like an early Carol Vorderman *shudders*. Wish I looked like her now though!
    Your mother's photos are BRILLIANT :-)

  13. Congrats on your graduation. The photos your mum took are hilarious - how bad are they>?!!! Maybe you should take one of the kids next time - probably less hassle?!

  14. So proud of you!! See Mum - she did it!! But Mum, while you're here, please take better photos next time - we need to see the sex kitten in front of the camera!!! Professional photos on the blog please...


  15. Helloooooooooooooooooooooooo!

    SK - Good job I got some others done - these are hardly memorial are they? xx

    Hello Zoo! You do make me laugh! Yeah, the chairs were wonderful. Accountants are very secret creatures, no-one likes to admit they're accountants because we are scared that everyone will yawn! xx

    Mary ann - I wish you all the luck. It's not easy, but when you've done it, its just fab. xx

    Technobabe - Ha! I couldnt possibly post piccys of my mum. In the words of Mammy from Gone With The Wind 'It aint fittin', it just aint fittin'! xx

    Casdok - ah thanks hon. Took her long enough didnt it? She always bets on the horse, that one!!! xx

    Maddie - It was very hard at the time, as you well know. Its so nice to find a fellow teenage mum. Yay to not being useless! xx

    CJ - He should have taken that up, obviously he had a flair for accountancy. Some accountants are a bit gloomy, I think its because they wear grey all the time. Need some bright colours! xx

    Eliza - Mother wanted to go to Art school. I think the Art school had a lucky escape lol! xx

    Kelly - ah, many thanks Kelly. It was good. Scary, but good. (not used to nice things happening!). xx

    Brit - Many thanks. Yeah, mums are a breed unto themselves....I hope its not a genetic thing! xx

    Hit 40 - Mother doesnt read my blog, she thinks its a waste of time. Lucky for me!!! xx

    Sandy - hey! another fellow accountant! We're all coming out the woodwork now. Carole does look a bit fetching these days. I miss her on countdown though...there is some blonde bit who is far too efficient! xx

    HCM - Yeah, it would have been less hassle. at least the kids wouldnt have been glugging all the booze! xx

    MT - ah, a sex kitten...more like an Alley Cat now! You a darling. Prof photos on their way. Not sure I could show them off though, I'm coming over a little shy! xx

    Thank you so much for all your comments, I love to hear from dear chums.

    Kisses and saucy winks




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