Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Glorious Food


What the hell is this???


Abbi (Liam's new girlfriend), who seems to be a permanent fixture at weekends, says this was a gift from her mother.

To feed her with no doubt!

On questioning Abbi, with regards to 'What is it?', 'What do I do with it?', 'Does it have a name?',
'Is it rhubarb?', 'How do I cook it?'.

She replied, 'Its like spinach. Cook it like Spinach'.

She obviously is not aware that my cooking skills, regarding the art of creating a spinach dish, (or any dish come to that) do not stretch that far.


And what the frig is this?





Looks like overgrown sweetcorn kernels.

These are mini yellow tomatoes apparently.

Can you eat yellow tomatoes, without being poisoned?


At least I know what this is.


A fuzzy piccy of a cucumber.


Yeah, well, I'm not sure how long the first two will sit in my fridge, the spinach thing must be about 3ft long and is curling around the inside of my fridge muscling in on everything else. It is a very bolshy vegetable.

We seem to be inundated with other visitors at the weekend too these days......mainly Liam's huge, strapping mates.

When did they grow so big? Am I shrinking?

I knew these kids when they were scrawny 12 year olds, who wouldn't say 'boo to a goose' and where no taller than a reed of grass. Now they are towering 23 year old men with bulging muscles, big gobs and noisy fast cars. The neighbours get a bit twitchy when they visit.

Liam's room emits noise like a football crowd on a Saturday afternoon. Smutty words can be heard echoing down the stairwell along with great guff's of raucous laughter!

They also have stomachs like bottom-less pits. Why do they always come round at tea-time? I cant feed that lot......my fridge would be empty in a matter of seconds!

Mmm, seconds thoughts, it might solve the problem of the spinach tree growing in the fridge. I could whip 'em up a spinach and tomato tart delicately decorated with cucumber.

In my experience, young men seem to like the taste of a good-looking tart!

(Singing) Food, glorrrrr.............rious........fooooooooooooooood!
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Friday, 11 September 2009

Bloody Brilliant Blog Award





I received this Bloody Brilliant Blog Award from the fabulous Brits in Bosnia - at least I think she gave me this particular award......I cant be sure, because my brain feels like a soggy tapioca pudding this morning, if it is indeed still in my head. I think it is gone AWOL.


I would also like to mention Four Down Mum To Go and the super SandyCalico - both who have given me awards in the past, but being an utter dimwit I cant remember if I have thanked them.


So, my great thanks to those lovely ladies for thinking of me and I shall pass it on.
























In fact, if any of you guys would like the poster then please have it, cause you're all pretty damn Bloody Brilliant.


Enjoy. I have to go and find my brain now.


Love RMxx


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Monday, 7 September 2009

Divine Solitude



Photograph by Paolo Curto/Getty Images


What a pissy week!


After a lovely two week respite I have landed back on earth with a crash and assumed my previous role of Domestic Drudge.


There are too many people in this house. Everywhere you turn there is an offspring of mine or a husband or a relative or someones girlfriend or a pigging salesman at the door hoodwinking my fool of a husband. (My husband said I was cruel to kick him out and that the young salesman looked like he was going to cry. I couldn't have cared less. Get out, get out, get out!)


My gums have blown up to an indescribable painful proportion (I think its gingivitis) so I cant eat, drink or talk much, which is a shame. However, Hubby has taken to whistling and singing of late and appears to be in a very good mood now my tongue is no longer able to wag!


But today is a fabulous day! There is no one in the house but me. Olly is at his new school, which he seems to be enjoying - although I don't enjoy battling the traffic to drop him off and pick him up twice a day. Amber is at her school (she is in the last year of Primary now), Liam is at work and Hubby has gone back to Nairobi for a few days. So it is bliss, bliss, bliss!!!!


I have applied for membership from the affiliating body that I passed my exams in, but you also have to submit relevant work experience and references, so I am just waiting to hear if I have been successful. If so, there are further options, such as more study (for fucks sake!) or opening up my own business - but this is also extremely regulated. They obviously don't want any tin-pot crap then! I'm chomping at the bit at the moment, ready to steam ahead, but all this waiting around is doing my head in. Still, we'll know soon enough.


Anyhow, today is a day of Divine Solitude and although I don't look anything like that bird swimming around in the Indian Ocean or live anywhere like that beautiful tropical island in the Maldives, spiritually I am her and I am there - for today, anyway.

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Sunday, 30 August 2009

Postcards Home


Heathrow Airport 19/08/09

Rang Father to let him know I was going away. Someone else picked up the phone and informed me that he would be available in sixteen minutes. (Sixteen minutes?????????????).

Rang back after eighteen minutes, just to be awkward.

I was befriended in the airport by a middle-aged poof called Coolen. (Apparently he had taken a shine to my 'slapper' shoes). Coolen knew a straight Grounds Staff Dispatch man, who was also intrigued by my 8 inch heels and begged me for a peek. So I flashed him my 'slapper' shoes, and he upgraded me to First!!!!! Couldn't believe it! I flew all the way to Singapore in First Class with Coolen.

Singapore 20/08/2009

Hubby and I went out to a local eatery for a lovely slap-up meal that cost about £5. Got caught in a torrential downpour on the way back to the hotel. Unfortunately I was wearing my flip-flops which were next to useless on the tiled pavements and I skidded all the way back to the hotel. When we finally reached our room I glanced in the mirror and was appalled. My hair was plastered to my head, my make-up had run and, worst of all, my bra had soaked up all the rain so the only wet patches on my t-shirt were around the bosom area. I was mortified.

The next day we walked into Chinatown and took a look around the market. We then grabbed a cab and went to Sentosa Island. There was a wooden bridge that boasted it was 'Asia's most Southern Point'. Standing right at the tip looking out to sea, I noticed another island. It was about 200ft further south.

Jumped on a Cable Car to Mount Faber. Unfortunately we only got about a third of the way up, when another thunder storm struck. The cable car ground to halt and we were left dangling hundreds of feet in the air while lightening flashed and thunder crashed around us. Flipping scary.

About an hour later we had finally made our way back to the mainland, but there were no cabs for love nor money because it was still pouring down. We took the MRT (train). It is the cleanest train I have ever been on. There was a man with a cloth cleaning it and spraying disinfectant! A far cry from London's hot and sticky Tube.

In the evening, went to Raffles Hotel for my Singapore Sling. Expensively delicious.

The next morning we walked to Little India. Very interesting. The temple was painted different colours and the pavements are so packed full of market stalls you have to walk in the road and dodge the cars.

Flew to Sydney in the afternoon.


Sydney, Australia. 23/08/09

Just arrived at the hotel when Liam rung my mobile. He was pissed out of his head and slurred that he and his mates where having a great BBQ/party in the garden and Nil points (our neighbour) was having a hissy fit. In the background I could hear Nil shouting above the din. But Liam's mates laughter drowned him out.

Walked through Sydney's botanic gardens - truly beautiful, then on to the Opera House. Purchased a ticket to Manly Island and took the ferry across Sydney Harbour. The world and its wife were all on Manly Beach: surfing, boogie-boarding, snorkeling, diving and paddling. So we kicked off our shoes and ran into the sea. We soon ran out again, it was bloody freezing! If that had been in Brighton we would all be hovering on the shoreline, daring to dip in a toe. Not with the Australians, they don't care how cold it is. They're hard!

In the evening we had a juicy steak at a restaurant over looking Sydney Harbour on 'The Rocks'.


Sydney, Australia 24/08/09

The next morning we had another slap-up English breakfast as Hubby said he was 'all noodled out'.

Caught a flight back to Singapore.


Singapore 25/08/09

Went to Orchard Road to do a bit of shopping. Nothing but shopping malls everywhere. I lasted 10 mins. Very tired. Went back to hotel and slept.

In the evening we went back to Little India and had a curry served on a banana leaf! Fabulous.
A new delicacy sweeping Singapore at the moment is Fish Head Curry. A fish head in a curry sauce, that people pay high prices for. Uurgh!


Singapore 26/08/09

Today is my birthday. I am forty frigging one. 366 days ago I was 39.

A Singaporean cab driver told me that today is the Chinese Valentine's Day, but nobody celebrates it anymore - they all celebrate on the 14th February instead.

We spent the morning back on the beach at Sentosa Island. Hubby bought some blue flowery swimming shorts. On anyone else they would have looked ridiculous, but somehow he didnt look too bad in them.

In the afternoon we had Tiffin at Raffles. They even brought out a teeny, tiny chair for my handbag to sit on! Bizarre!

I had a fabulous birthday and felt extremely lucky.

They managed to squeeze me on the flight home, which was lucky, but unluckily I spent the next 13 hours sitting next to a man who stank of fish. Apparently, he was a Norwegian businessman who supplies fish food to Australia and Norway. I think air freshners should be mandatory for people in this kind of work.

My glamorous exotic adventure is over and I enjoyed every moment of it. I did cry on the way home, because my beautiful dream life was finishing and the reality of domestic drudgery is about to bite once more. x

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Monday, 17 August 2009

Freedom


Today I feel like this.

A big, in your face, cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!

Oh rapturous joy!

The kids were whisked off to my mother-in-laws by Hubby on Friday night, for TWO whole weeks.

The woman is a god-send.

Once a year she usually has one or other of them for a couple of weeks. Last year she didn't have either of them because we had a bit of a row. (It was over Hubby's deranged brother. The bloke has a few screws loose and would definitely benefit from a good long stretch at Her Majesty's Pleasure, but that's another story). Anyway, this year she has decided to take BOTH of them.

I feel overwhelmed with the sense of freedom. It is so liberating - like a breath of fresh air.


For the past two days I have been partying with Liam and his new girlfriend, Abbi, who I might add, is a little gem! She hasn't got that 'mad cow' look, like the previous one (Rhino) had.

I have been going to bed at 6.30am and 4.30am and sleeping until 2.00pm. I feel like a 'Singleton' again.

Everything is where I left I it. There are no rows, I do not have to think about how to entertain the kids, bribe them to shower, plan meals, constantly clean up, chauffeur around, skivvy, referee, in fact I don't have to think at all!

Oh, how I have missed this! I had forgotten just how pleasant life can be.

However, this new found freedom has gone to my head a bit.

I went shoe-shopping for TWO hours! (This is unheard of, especially when Olly is with me. 30 mins at the most - he cant take much more than that, especially if we're not shopping for him).

These are my normal day to day shoes, when its not pissing it down:





A functional, yet practical pair of flip-flops. Slip them on, kick them off. Easy.

This is what I bought:





Look at the frigging heel on that!!! I have gone totally nuts???

I cant even walk three feet in them, let alone walk down the street.

Do they look like 'Slapper' shoes?

Apparently, this is what I waste my money on when I am giddy with 'freedom'. Eight inch heeled, platformed hooker shoes!

And talking of freedom, I'm not wasting a second of it. I've decided to go with Hubby to Singapore, then on to Sydney and then back to Singapore - all in a week. Only trouble is, I'm not sure I can get back to London, its jammed coming home, so I maybe stuck out there for a bit.

I'm not sure if I'll have access to a computer, so if I don't post or comment on your blogs - its not because I don't love you, its because I'm temporarily incapacitated or possibly intoxicated with Singapore Slings!

Still, I'm sure my new 'Slapper' shoes will keep me company. Hopefully they will be on their best behaviour and not show me up by pulling someone for a handful of dollars!

Venetian Blind Update

The bloody blinds finally reached The Netherlands. My mother is staying with my sister for a few days so they flew out with her as well as two large tins of water-based paint! I'm surprised they let her on with that lot. Apparently it was all considered as her 'Hold' luggage, so the poor woman had to stuff a week's worth of clothes in a bag considered 'Hand' luggage.


Exam Update

I get my results via email between the hours of Monday 6.30pm and Tuesday 1.00am. I will either be a student again on Tuesday, or I will be qualified.

Life is weird isn't it?

In one little day your working life can change.................'Student' equals conformity and 'Qualified' equals freedom.

xx

Exam update: I passed.


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